Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 27

Ellie woke up. This was the day she’d been waiting for. New Year’s Eve. She looked over at the end of her room where a mass of duvet lay over Jamie. He burrowed in the night. She lay for a while watching him only snapping her eyes away when the pile of duvet began to move as Jamie awoke. ‘Hey,’ she ventured, not really knowing what to say. Jamie rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned. He then got up off of the mattress that had been laid out on the floor for him at the end of Ellie’s bed. He reached out for Ellie and they both felt tingles. Why would today be any different to other days when he’s helped her, when occasionally their arms might brush each others or something? Ellie was confused. Jamie continued to lift her body and placed her safely in her wheelchair. By now there were so many tingles flowing through Ellie’s body that were sending so many signals she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. But she couldn’t lose face to Jamie. She smiled and thanked him. She hesitated but didn’t mention the feelings going on in her body. It was electricity. She was fairly sure. From that moment on she felt alive. She didn’t tell him how she was feeling, because to imagine he would be feeling the same was preposterous.

Later, with the candles out, no lights on Ellie looked at Jamie. In the dim light he looked so beautiful. She couldn’t get the words out to tell him though. It was teen to twelve when Linda put on the TV. To watch the fireworks and the new year come in. She kept looking between Ellie and Jamie wishing that this new year would be good for them and one of them may come out with it. It was hard to watch two people who were so right for each other taking baby steps. But it was the only way sometimes. She wanted to bang their heads together but resisted…only just. She had had long talks with Jamie since he had been there – knew he was single, knew about his family and knew the way he helped her daughter. And today, Ellie had been so active and fun that Linda knew something must have happened. Jamie had been dynamic too today. Maybe they were finally feeling it?

The countdown to new year had reached five by the point Linda looked back over at the two of them. Ellie was sitting looking nervously over at Jamie, who was in turn looking pretty anxious himself. ‘Happy new year everyone,’ Chrissie started before the claxon for new year had gone off. It went off a second later. Everyone pranced around the room kissing each other’s cheeks and wishing them health and happiness in the new year. Jamie pecked Ellie’s cheek and mumbled something about being happy that she missed. She was hoping that that would have been the time he’d confess if he was feeling anything, but obviously it was aall in her head. 

Steph

XxX

How To Handle Expectation

Expectation is a good thing when it's positive, but only when it is positive. Positive things are usually the outcome of positive expectations. A positive mindset means you have to interrupt the thoughts that drag you down. An example of a negative thought/mindset is: Ahh! See that happened because I'm not good enough. That's the kind of thought you need to interrupt with something like: Ahh! That happened but who knows what will happen next time. It's not good to believe in damaging thoughts like the italiced section. Being positive is much healthier for you and will make you feel better.
The bold section is the type of thoughts that are better to believe and will make you stronger. The reasons you tell yourself for why things happen are so important. They make up the thoughts of what we believe of ourselves. So instead of: because I'm not good enough try: because I'm learning.

There are no age limits on learning. Instead of fading into thoughts of: I should have known better please know that making mistakes are a part of life. And when things happen and don't go to plan for whatever reason; you are more than entitled to use positive thoughts rather than negative. They will help you grow much more than beating yourself down will.

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 26

Jamie woke up at 6am sharp. He was sharing Ellie's room as all other rooms were occupied. Jamie's eyes drifted to Ellie's sleeping figure. She looked so beautiful lying there with her standard plaits in her hair. He longed to stroke her hair but resisted. It took a long time for him to come to this conclusion. He just watched her through dreary eyes. He wasn't awake yet. He could easily have fallen asleep again, especially with the perfect scene he found himself in. But he fought to stay awake so that he could take in the beauty of every moment he spent at her house.

Ellie woke up around 8am and immediately she saw Jamie's open eyes on her. It was strangely comforting. Jamie was the first to move. He walked to Ellie's wheelchair and asked if he could help her into it. 'Yeah, thank you,' Ellie was amazed. A man who actually wanted to help! He took her weight and lifted her into her chair. She turned her wheels before she thanked him again. 'It's cool,' Jamie told her like lifting her into her chair was the most natural thing in the world.

Last night he had found that Ellie had some exercises to help strengthen her core muscles written on her mirror in the bathroom. He made a coincious decidion to help her with them from that moment on. They didn't do much until Christmas lunch.

Jamie and Ellie pulled the cracker that sat between them. Linda smiled as she watched her daughter's eyes light up as she looked at Jamie. 'What's up mum?' Ellie asked.

'Oh, nothing I'm glad you're happy,' Linda smiled at her daughter and Jamie in turn. 'Thank you for joining us this year Jamie,' she told him in her next breath. Chrissie and Linda looked at each other knowingly. 'Let's eat,' Chrissie announced.

After they were absolutely stuffed with food, it was time for presents. Ellie opened all hers and after many gracious thanks and phonecalls she retired to her room. Jamie followed her with his small gift for her. He didn't want her to open it in front of everyone else. It was nice to do some things in private.

She was surprised when Jamie handed it to her. 'Oh really, you shouldn't have!' She opened the box shaped gift. It was a little storage box with sayings written on it. 'Handy for work!' she opened it to see how big it was and found a diary for the year coming. 'Oh my, Jamie, thank you so much, I will use this every day as you know I need one! Now I can stop leaving sticky notes everywhere!' She was enthralled. He could hear in her voice and see in her eyes how thankful she was. 'But I haven't got you anything, I feel so guilty!' she told him.

'Honestly, the fact that you welcomed me to your family and the fact that I've actually had a Christmas this year is en ough for me. Thank you so much. It's more than I could ask for!' he refused Ellie's apology. It really was just enough for him to be a part of her Christmas.

Steph

XxX

How To Cope With Being Alone

Love. Excitement. It'll happen in its own time. I know, I know it's hard to believe when you are in the situation but it will happen. You feel like you're all alone? Well, that's not true. There are hundreds of people feeling this way, but in your eyes everyone's loved up and happy. I know when you're in that position, you feel like closing yourself off to the world. But you mustn't. You've got to believe that all the waiting that you are doing will be worthwhile. It took me a long time to work this out but like anything, if you don't believe in yourself, if you're not happy; no one will want to be around you.

It's fine saying all this, but how do you get through? There's no real answer, you just have to cope best you can. Focusing on what is going on in your life right now is a good way to handle it, sending out love from your end and knowing that you are strong enough to face this on your own. It's as the lyric in 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight?' by Elton John rightfully points out: that the twisting kalideoscope moves us all in turn. Obviously, you are strong enough to walk this plain alone for the time being. It won't be forever, although it feels like that now.

'Learn to play the Appreciation game. Look for things to appreciate in every situation. When you actively seek the positive, you become more appreciative and optimistic, which is a requirement for living the life of your dreams. Look for the good.' This quote from Jack Canfield is really strong. Because it is true. Actively seeking out the positive means you will find at least one positive in a situation. And when you do, please share your experience below. There is a positive in everything that happens in our lives, be it big or small.

Let me know of ways that you handle being alone, in a general sense I'd love to know...

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 25

Ellie turned around in her cute elvish apron. Jamie had taken up the offer of spending Christmas with her family as he didn’t usually do anything and her family told him he was being silly. Her family welcomed him like he was the son they never had. Ellie’s older sister, Christina was due to arrive tonight. Ellie was in the kitchen making extra mince pies and Jamie was putting the pastry over the top of them. He was enjoying himself. ‘There are pattern cutters – you can make them pretty!’ Ellie said pointing to the cutters that the Sparks family had collected over the years. Linda was relaxing in the living room, feeling content that her daughters were able to help out with Christmas this year. Well one at the moment. But she had a hardworking companion helping her. More than capable. And be it mother’s instincts, she thought they’d make a good couple. From the moment he stepped in the house Linda had been wondering where Jamie’s sentiments were. She had an inkling that he did like her daughter as more than a friend. Not that Linda would tell Ellie of her guesses; she’d figure it out for herself if it is meant to be, which Linda is fairly sure it is.

Two hours later when both Ellie and Jamie were covered in flour Mrs. Sparks made an appearance in the kitchen. ‘Looks like you had fun!’ she stated, laughing at the empty packet of flour that had obviously ensued their fight. ‘Sorry mum,’ Ellie apologised looking at her feet like a told-off teenager. ‘Don’t be silly, as long as you had fun!’ Mrs Sparks chuckled. She looked to Jamie to speak.

‘Thank you Mrs Sparks, I had a whale of a time!’ He enthused. That set Ellie off in a fit of giggles and Jamie smiled goofily, to keep her giggling. ‘It’s Linda!’ Mrs Sparks told him once the giggling had died down.

Suddenly, the door in the hallway began to open. ‘It’s Chrissie!’ Ellie screamed rushing out to hug her sister. Christina was newly single, having split with her boyfriend two weeks ago. Christina had auburn hair, brown eyes and a fair height. She wished she had been blessed with the blue, bright eyes that her younger sister had. Ellie had always wished for brown eyes to match her beautiful sister’s. Ellie wheeled back into the kitchen with Chrissie following her. ‘This is Jamie,’ she introduced her new friend and Jamie shook Chrissie by the hand. ‘Nice to meet you Jamie, I’ve heard a lot about you!’ Jamie looked surprised, turning his puzzled face to Ellie who just did an exaggerated shrug.

‘So, boyfriend material I’m sensing?’ Chrissie asked her sister when they were alone, unpacking Chrissie’s bags. ‘Hmm, I’m hoping so, I’m just not sure how he’s feeling,’ Ellie admitted. ‘Well the way he was looking at you throughout dinner, I’d say he feels the same!’ Chrissie confided.

‘Let’s not count our chickens before they’ve hatched,’ Chrissie rolled her eyes at her sister’s usual comment. ‘Don’t wait forever though El, I’m worried about you,’ Chrissie warned her sister. They finished unpacking Chrissie’s stuff in silence. When they were done Chrissie and Ellie came back through the house, luvkily Linda owned a bungalow, set on watching some crappy Christmas movies, whilst munching on the popcorn Chrissie had brought with her.  

Steph

XxX

How To: Stand Out; Individuality

One of my favourite people at this moment has told me: 'Why are you trying to fit in, when you were born to stand out?' And this is so true. You weren't born to hide away in the corner. I used to believe that the best place for me to be was in the corner. But I've come to learn that that isn't any way to live. I couldn't get hurt or hurt anyone else when I stayed in my comfort-corner. And while that was comforting, that’s not real-life. I realised to live you have to open yourself to getting hurt. You can hope no one ever will hurt you, and you may be lucky but if you're not open to the possibility of getting hurt you're not living. I was so naive when I was at university. And I did get hurt. Never that badly, but it was the first time I had the freedom to just be myself. And that’s where I grew into the person I am now. Away from the usual comforts of home, I had to find my feet and that was so scary but turned out to be so important in my life. It’s a big thing in most people’s lives – but for me it was really the making of my individuality.

Hope this has helped someone, remember though the corner may be comfortable, it's not where you belong.

Steph

XxX

Emotion.

Emotion Fanfiction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9NthQfireo&list=UUkoz1yev_apPjE8XcVrjyjA You need to watch this first to know why I'm putting this up today! Taking a week's break from 'Things Are Not Clear Cut' but it will be back next week! I do write that story just for the blog, so nothing is pre-written so your help for that would be unbelievable.


This piece I wrote quite a long time ago, and sorry to any old myspace friends reading this, you've probably seen this before! Let me know what you think about the piece in the comments below. Thanks.


Steph and Danny had been friends for a long time. They were really close. One night they ended up watching a romantic film with Dougie and his girlfriend. At the end of the film Dougie and his girlfriend start making out and leave Danny and Steph sitting uncomfortably. They glance at each other - but niether can tell what's on each other's minds. Danny's palms begin to sweat - he can't bear this silence. 'So yeah, we're going to head off!' he exclaimed as he got up and walked towards the door. Steph got up too and departed through the same door. Danny was waiting in the hall for her. 'You'd better take this!' he said slipping off his jacket. It was thrashing with rain outside.

'Are you sure you'll be ok?' Steph asked. Danny laughed.

'Hey am I a man or a mouse?' he told her with cheeky grin.

'Ok, as long as you're sure,' Steph exclaimed draping his jacket over her shoulders. She lifted up the hood on his jacket and prepared to open the door. She looked so cute with that hood pulled up, wearing a jacket that's probably a few sizes too big for her. She giggled and he turned his attention to the rain.

'Right, here we go!' Danny laughed as he opened the door and dashed outside. He waited in the rain for Steph to catch up with him. When she caught up with him, he said goodbye, 'Bye darling, see you tomorrow,' and scurried to his house. She watched him enter his house and then burst into tears. He didn't know he wouldn't see her tomorrow. She wondered if he'd been into his bedroom yet and seen the note waiting on his beside cabinet.

Tonight had broken her heart. Especially watching the film and not being to curl her fingers over his. It's as if he'd known and just wanted to break it some more. He had been such a sweetheart tonight. Why did he want to break her heart? The note on his beside cabinet revealed the truth of her feelings towards him. That yes, she would die for him and that yes, he makes her world complete. But what makes her think he'd even care? Why did she bother writing those words from the heart because he would never care? Never in a million years. She doesn't know why she did it, she just had to get the words out somehow. So she wrote him a letter, hoping he would try to make her stop, all the while she knew he never would.

She was getting soaked standing in the rain, even though she was wearing Danny's jacket. She didn't even if it was her teardrops or the rainfall making her face wet anymore. She stood there motionlessly waiting for something. She soon realised it was never going to come and so went to Danny's door. She was very tempted to knock on the door and get one last hug but she knew what she must do. She slowly removed the jacket, folded it and put it on Danny's doorstep. She walked back to her house totally exposed to the rain but she didn't care. She unlocked her door and got her bags that she'd packed earlier. She took one last look at her house - in its bare state. She wept a little as she closed the door and made her way to the train station.

Every torch that was shone around her made her look up hopefully. But it wasn't him. She doubts he's even read it yet. Yes, he's losing a close friend but that wouldn't mean much to him. He had his bandmates anyway.

She's loved him all her life and isn't about to stop, but she thought if she put some distance between herself and he, she might just be able to move on. The train finally came and as she boarded she whispered, 'My heart will always be with you.' When the train started to move, she gave up any hope that he would come to rescue her and tell her she was being silly. She looked out of the window as the train departed and thought she saw him standing on the platform but it was only because he was on her mind surely?

Hope you liked it. Now on myspace, back in the day, I asked people to take up the task of following Danny home and finding the note which any of you readers are more than welcome to do. It's a good prompt I think. And obviously you can change the names, because writing this isn't very good at disguising who the characters are! It was a standalone on myspace so you can take it any way you like if you feel inspired by what I've written. If you do write a part, I'd be fascinated to read what you come up with. You can send a email here: www.facebook.com/therealstephcarfrae or put it up on your own blog (comment if you do including the link) and I will read it and comment.



Thank you so much for reading

Steph


XxX

How To: Cope When Life Gets You Down; Confidence

I came across this quote whilst I was reading this: http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/29/10-painfully-obvious-truths-everyone-forgets-too-soon/ and I just think it's really important to remember.

'Today, let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as incomplete as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU.' - Marc Chernoff

We all go through stages of not loving ourselves because we feel it's wrong.


Someone else should be doing that!
That is the feeling I know oh too well.

But if, like me for so many years, I'd get home from school/sixth form/university to find that there was no one there.

Now, instead of feeling down about myself I wrote down things to cheer myself up. The quotation books which I have mentioned before, are still being filled. I don't ever want to feel like I'm not worth it, and that is why I started writing them. They are handwritten, ink and paper because I think that's the best way to remind myself. Yes, seeing something on a screen does have its benefits, but having it written down in ink makes it more final, I think anyway.

I have a box. A big old box of papers with notes or emails on them. They are from my best friends. When I was sixteen - I sent out an email on myspace (back in the day!) to all my best friends asking them what they thought of who I am today/who I was when we first met and who I will become. I guess I'm brave to have done that. I sit and read through them on the days I don't feel good or up to the job. My best friends (at the time) were incredible and are still. Most of them I am stilll in contact with and will go on to be friends with. I was and am very lucky to have the friends and family I do have and though it is frustrating sometimes, I wouldn't change them for the world.

And if I get really down, I've always got my 21 book which even a flick through will cause me to smile tremendously.

I also had a very special questionnaire which I asked my good friends at the time to fill out for me. Looking at the answers on those always fill me with joy. If I'm ever having a bad day I have at least 4 things to look at/ways of feeling better. And I am always surprised to read how much faith my friends have for me.

And it reminds me I have to believe it to make it true of myself. It always boosts my confidence and belief in myself.

So, it's a good way of remembering my self worth. I hope this helps,

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 24

Ellie awoke to Kel's alarm chime. She was still smiling. What had gotten intro her. Jamie she mythered. She was excited to see him on this beautiful, brisk morning in London. She got into her wheelchair, thinking of Jamie and how she couldn't wait to see him. She had gone to bed still in full make up because she feared him seeing her without it. She knew she'd pay for it today though. Loads of moisturiser would be required to get her skin in tip top shape again. The man I want is on the other side of the door, she thought and smiled widely. She opened her bedroom door and reversed out. She didn't know what to expect when she turned around, probably a lazy "good morning" or as she hoped, a lazy "good morning beautiful". She hoped that Kel's alarm had been loud enough to wake him too, otherwise he'd still be sleeping and still be a lump on the couch. She felt ready to find out what his response would be and so span on her wheels.

There was no one there. Kel was in the shower, as always at this time of the morning. She noticed a piece of white paper on the black leather couch. She hurried to look at it.


Hey Ellie, thanks for letting me stay, I'll call you tonight. J.
That was all it said. She wondered if she'd done something wrong. Maybe confessed her love for him in her sleep? She isn't prone to sleep talking but who knows. Anything could have happened. He could have been called away for all she knows. At least she'll know tonight. It's not like he left her hanging. He'd call her tonight. Would he tell her when and why he left? She can but hope.
*Hope you liked that part! Leave me suggestions for what can happen in the next part from either Ellie or Jamie's point of view! It is your hands. Thank you for reading.

Steph

XxX

How To: Cope When You Feel Alone

It's very easy to feel ignored by family and friends. I've found that communication is key. No one can read your mind, they don't know what you need or want at a particular moment. That's why actions speak louder than thoughts/musings/ideas.

Feeling ignored was intensified for me when I was in hospital. The hospital I was at was a bad one (my brother and I have since been transferred to another hospital thankfully) and I mostly got through my stay through dreams and memories in my head. My family did come to see me most nights and that was really lovely and a relief to see a familiar face. I was horrible when I was in hospital though. I'm so lucky to have the family I do, to put up with me in a mood all the time; I wouldn't have, I would've scarpered and never come back. So thank you to all my family for putting up with me at that time. I must have been a nightmare.

I know it's very difficult to believe you're not alone when you think you are. I know that oh too well. Sometimes I feel left behind by events that go on in other people's lives and I'm left thinking, 'Why can't that happen to me?' And the simple truth is the timing isn't right. But that's not very easy or nice medicine to swallow. But you're not going to meet others or interact with anyone if you're curled up in your room feeling sorry for yourself. Obviously with the invention of the internet in the 21st century you are reachable at anytime - and it is hopefully less likely you feel alone. But I do know what it is like when you see all your friends online and you don't want to annoy them or bring them down with your troubles or issues. But I have learned that real friends won't mind. If you're feeling down about something please share it with someone - even if it's onomously on a website or something - you'll feel much better when it's out for the world or a close friend to devour and say 'no you're being silly' or the infamous 'everybody feels like that sometimes'.

You might have sent messages to one person and you can see they're online but they haven't replied. I know how annoying that is. I try to look at it like this: although they might not be able to reply instantly - they're busy, they have their own lives to worry about - and they will contact you when you need them. And that is true. Hard as it is to believe. I recently went through a little trouble with a guy and I messaged a guy friend of mine just to help me clear the fog that this other guy had thrown into the mix. Yet when I woke up the next day I could see clearly and it turned out I actually hadn't needed that help - which was good because he hadn't replied. It took me quite a while to learn not to message a boy I fancied every two seconds - actually this ended up with one of my many university crushes actually blocking me - but now I'm definetly more relaxed. If they are friends of yours - they will reply when they can - but please don't despair if it isn't instant.

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 23

Jamie woke up at 4.00am. He was quite disorientated and took about fifteen minutes to remember where he was. He never stayed with anyone else, so to have woken up on a couch with sunlight sliding through the blinds was quite a shock for him. It was an usual occurance. Before images of last night floated to him, he wondered who's flat he had slept in. They must be a close friend. Memories flashed through his mind and he remembered where he was. Oh sweet Ellie must have let him stay. How sweet! He was rather glad she didn't know how he felt about her, unless he had confessed it in the night. But that would include sleepwalking to her room, and he didn't sleepwalk. He wouldn't tell her consciously.

He went to the bathroom and did the necessaries and peeked around the door where Ellie was peacefully sleeping. She was so beautiful. If only he could reach in to touch her face or stroke her hair, but he knew that'd wake her up. Those thoughts buzzed in his head from the moment he saw her. He stole himself away gently pulling the door to it's orginal position. He saw a notelet on the kitchen side and decided to leave one for Ellie. That way he could get across to his, jump in the shower and make himself presentable before work.


Hey Ellie, thanks for letting me stay, I'll call you tonight. J.
He thought he'd better get out of her hair. He had no idea what girls' did in the morning. It had been a long time since his university days. And they'd on occassion consist of sneeking out of a girls room before she woke up too.

How To: Find 'You' Time

Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do something that you find far from enjoyable. Or something like an obstacle will rock up, just not with this particular title, which means they are harder to spot, but basically mean you'll have to deal with the resultations of this before you can go on and do anything else. The way I play this is putting something really fun at the other end.
Whenever I finish the pain-staking task, I always make sure I have some 'me' time. I know some people say 'Girl live in the real world, nobody has time for 'me' time' and I admit I haven't yet had the opportunity to make it out into the real world, I'm still more-or-less burrowed with hardly any responsibilities and getting things done for me because my parents think it's easier. But something I've learnt throughout my life is to make time. This does not mean staying up late to make time for yourself, because you need the right amount of sleep for yourself as much as making time for yourself on a daily basis. It only needs to be five minutes, any time you can grab, it is so important to have time for yourself.

Turn your music on and up loud, listen through headphones or anything when you need to get away from the world. A relaxing bath is often the answer at the end of the day. You can opt for soft music or not, a book to take with you or nothing at all. It's a good place to think and is good for your body too. You may have to change some personal habits to make this possible. Make these changes slowly. Then if it falls into place, it can be. Don't force it. But from recent evaluations I've found this is the most popular past time for some 'me' time.

You might decide it's not for you. That's fine. Just make sure you do find some 'you' time though. Whether it's listenin g to your music at full volume or otherwise. That particular way is my 'me' time as the only bathtub in the house is upstairs and by the evening I am too tired to get my lump of a body upstairs carefully. I have a shower in the mornings at home and get my exercise by walking the wet wheelchair I use back to the bathroom.

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 22

Ellie leant on her hands and made a snap decision.

'Would you like to come back to mine?' It was only about 10pm but she considered that Jamie had had a bit of a tough day. He probably wouldn't like to traspe all the way back to his. 'Would you mind?' Jamie asked. He looked drained. 'I'll probably just fall asleep,' he told her as he prepared for the outside weather. Coat on, he smiled and thanked Ellie for the thousandth time in a minute. 'I just couldn't have faced going back to mine tonight y'know?' he warbled as they made their way out of the bar. He recounted the story of Kate to Ellie as they went and rode the lift up to her apartment.

'And I was like whoa...' he went on as she searched for her keys in her bag. She got them out, unlocked the door and Jamie went in and headed straight for the couch. His story hadn't finished. It was like he'd just left Ellie in the lurch. He must be so tired, she thought before she wheeled over the threshold of her own flat. She was fine not knowing the end of the story as there was only about a minute in his retelling before she had seen the situation herself. She called Kel to tell her that Jamie was staying over so when she got home she hopefully wouldn't be too loud. Ellie was fine with her loudness as she had grown used to it but Jamie's housemate, Jeff was doubtfully like Kel.

'Hey Kel, Jamie is staying over tonight,' she told the phoneline from the bathroom. She had come to do the neccessities before bed and realised that she needed to call Kel to let her know of the situation. 'Fast work!' was the response from Kel.

'Not like that! Honestly . . . he's staying on the sofa,' Ellie pushed the door a touch. There, she had a view of Jamie lying like a baby on the sofa, already fast asleep. His legs were tucked under his chin. He looked cute. 'Ok, I'll be quiet when I get back,' Ellie pulled the door to after a few seconds of watching him and jumping at Kel's voice, realising she was still on the phone. 'I'll see you later,' Kel told her snapping her out of her fantasy world and hung up.

'Ok,' Ellie said to a dead line.
*Hope you like the story so far!  What's going to happen next? You tell me! What would you like to see happen? Please let me know! Thanks.

Steph

XxX*

How To: Not Blame Others (Priorities)

Everybody's different. Everyone has different priorities and though you feel yours is the most important at this space in time, no one sees life from your position. Don't blame others for thinking something else is more important to them. I have been through this. The situation called for me to keep quiet. I couldn't shut myself away in my room at the time, so I just buried my head in the sand as it were, letting this person do what they 'had to do' and answered questions when they were directed at me. It's hard and not nice to realise, but it's not about you half of the time. It's like taking cough syrup, not nice but you must swallow it to get better. It is not easy to realise and you might not want to but you must. Things go on inwardly and outwardly that can change everything. It's not something you've done wrong by that person, it's just that sometimes some priorities are bigger for some people, and the smaller issues get pushed under the rug or forgotten about. There are things that go on in this life that are greater than you. Sometimes you just need to accept that not everything is about you. Although your world revolves around you, everybody else's revolves around them too. Their barriers are different to yours. And because they are, their priorities differ to yours.

I hope this makes sense and helps someone!

Steph

XxX

People Do Help Others

'No one notices what I do until I stop doing it'
In many cases this is true, because unfortunately it is people who kick up against something who are remembered. It is very hard to be a level-headed person in this world and be noticed. It is the bad press that gets more publicity than the good. That is very sad. There are more good people out there than the news would have you believe. Not everyone do help other people because they don't know if it is their place to interfere or assist. Often people don't think further than A to B and if they see someone struggling they think 'well, it's not my issue.' Often, it seems you have to walk this world alone. But you can be sure, someone else has faced as well. Maybe not in the same capacity as you, maybe not to the extent that you have but someone else has been in that position. Of course, not with the past history that you have dealt with and dealt with well as it has brought you this far on your journey. There are people who do understand if you only seek them out. Now I've not been through much of what the world has to throw at me, but I'm hoping that as I go through it and get through it (if I do) I can at least offer inspiration or you can try a method I've suggested perhaps? I haven't studied psychology I only did a writing course at uni, where I decided to write a self-help short novel and enjoyed writing about the things I'd been through and trying to help other people. I feel like the quote suggests about my blog. I don't think I get the credit that running this blog always deserves. But I don't see any reason to stop it. While I'm still fit, healthy and living I will continue to post because what I love doing is helping people. And I can't get my word out in much of a better way than writing this.
Steph

XxX

Thank you for reading.

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 21

They were now considered regulars at The RoundHead, the bar which they drank in weekly. Well, Ellie was anyway. She had turned up with the same guy nine times out of ten. 'The usual thanks Nat!' Jamie told the barmaid before returning to the table that Ellie had spotted with two brimming drinks. Jamie set them on the table before pulling a chair out of Ellie's way and pulling one out for himself. 'So how is work?' Ellie asked, hoping this would cause Jamie to divulge what had happened this evening.
'It's OK thanks, how's yours?' Jamie asked. Ellie tried to catch his eye, but seemingly he was more interested in the bottom of his glass.

'It's good thanks, though the Christmas build-up is always an intense time!' Ellie smiled and Jamie couldn't tell if it was fake or genuine. He looked up at her eyes as a genuine smile causes happiness wrinkles to form just beneath them. He wasn't sure if the laughter lines were in the same place. He assumed they must be. Her eyes were bright and it turned out she was genuinely smiling. His light blue eyes were looking troubled.

'Why?' he asked.

'Well everyone wants their book published before Christmas, so that they can have their book out beforehand, so I'm having to judge them after reading the first paragraph, and if I lose interest halfway through I just leave it, we have so many books to cover...' Ellie sighed. Jamie knew why Ellie partook in Tall's job so heavily. After all, it wasn't in her work description. Her work role originally was just to be a secretary. But she took all the book reading on because that is where she flourishes. And she hopes to run her own bookshop in the future.

He nodded, understanding. Things were always hell before Christmas, and he appreciated that. His work was intense too. Everyone wanted to get to the Speciawl Christmas Party they were throwing and he still had to sort out the speciaql guest. Kate was barking at him to get that done...Kate...oh he really didn't want to think about her. He downed his first pint. Ellie was taking her time, only halfway down her glass.

'I'll go get another one,' Jamie mumbled, stalking off. He caught Ellie off guard. She hadn't even realised he'd finished.

*Where is it going to go from here? I don't have a clue, so if you could help me out with ideas, that'd be great! Thank you for reading. Hope you're enjoying the story!

Steph

XxX*

How To: Know Anyone Is Admirable

'You don't know how many people you are inspiring by being you.' Inspiration for this post came from Judge Cheryl Fernadez-Versini on X Factor.

I think this is true of anybody. Everybody has a reason, big or small, to want to hide away. It may be something you have to conquer daily which for most of us is the case. The troubles I have are noticeable and in case you don't know or have forgotten, I am in a wheelchair. The things I conquer or achieve on a daily basis are quite obvious.

You don't know how many people are looking up to you, because of how you look, the enthusiadsm you inspire in others, your drive, your power etc. There are so many reasons people could see you as a role model and they're not always for reasons you'd expect.

For instance, a few years ago, I admired someone I saw at a football match. Anyone who knows me knows football and sport in general is not my favourite past-time. But, I was at this game, much to my dis-satisfaction and I saw this girl who was seemingly clapping at the opportune moments of the game. I kept my eye on her throughout - clapping and cheering when she did. I didn't know this person but she did the right things at the right time. She was the example I based myself on at that football match.

So although people may be far from perfect in their endeavours, people are always looking for someone, a example, to base themselves on. If only at first.

Steph

XxX

What I Have Learnt From Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield

One single action you partake in today, either on your own or with a group, might not change the outcome of your life, but it may change someone else's. Postive forces are working in your life if you just open your mind to them. We need to reframe how we look at things. One thing Tony Robbins has taught me is that there are no failures only outcomes. That may be the greatest lesson I have ever learnt. Additionally to this, we need to learn to ask ourselves different questions. The cynical voice in our head usually succeeds in assuming the worst and being proven right because we are thinking the situation will turn out negatively. I have learnt from these two extraordinary men that it is our expectation of a situation to go wrong that is really stopping us from being who we want to be. We need to start asking ourselves positive questions. The two I have stuck on my mirror and on cue cards in the bags that I take out (to remind me) are: What Is The Opportunity In This? (Jack Canfield) and How Do I Want To Be Remebered? I might catch a glimpse of one of the cue cards at a party I go to, and I remember to take the moment for what it is, because I'm living right now, who knows what tomorrow holds in store?
I hope you liked it and could take away a plume of inspiration. If you did, I'd love to know about it. Likewise, if you have an issue you think I could help you out with don't be afraid to let me know. Anything that I can do to help I will try my best to do. Thank you for reading.

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 20

Ellie wiped her eyes. She was ready for the onslaught. To her surprise Jamie never did ask why she cried. On a deeper level he must have known.

'I'm so sorry El, I know your time is especially precious at the moment,' he told her. He was at perfect liberty to be with this woman, without Ellie's knowledge, it wasn't like Ellie and Jamie were a couple. It wasn't like they were close enough to share those kind of intimate details yet anyhow. 'Want to head off?' Jamie asked assumingly. Could he read Ellie's mind?

'Don't you want to be with your girlfriend?' Ellie asked. She said the word "girlfriend" spitefully but luckily Jamie didn't notice

'Oh that - total misunderstanding but she's a big girl, she'll be all right,' Jamie smiled cheekily at her. 'That's my boss...' he added before Ellie zoned out into his crystal blue eyes. They looked cold when he was talking about her. No wonder he likes working here, Ellie thought. 'You seemed very comfortable,' she couldn't help the smallness and vulnerably of her voice. His small yet atheletic body shifted uncomfortably.

'It wasn't like that,' he said as he headed towards the door.

'You can't just leave her like that!' Ellie tried to laugh at the thought of leaving her like that, but the laugh sounded like she was crying so she disguised it in a cough. Ellie hesitated and stayed where she was.

'I guess you're right,' Jamie sucked his breath in. He marched back the way he had come looking like he meant business. Ellie took a deep breath and tried to compose herself in his absence. He emerged behind her a few minutes later. 'Ready to go?' he asked from behind her. He walked at the rate she wheeled herself out of the building so they were in sync. She suddenly stopped in his tracks. He walked a few steps ahead of her before she got the words out.

'What was that all about? Ellie spluttered. Jamie stopped and turned around to face her. It was cold day and the wwind slapped Ellie around the face. In that moment Ellie felt silly for asking the question. It could be something that happened every day - Jamie was hardly unattractive and his personality just topped the bill.

'My boss just offered me a job. Thought I wanted more. I didn't,' he told her simply. She wasn't sure sure what to make of the story, but hoped he elaborate when they sat down in the bar.
*Hope you liked it. What should happen in future parts? I'm open to all suggestions. Thank you.

Steph

XxX*

How To: Cope With Waiting

Expecting & assuming the worst in all situations is human nature. From a young age we are not programmed to see the beneficial factors that are effective in our lives or the lesson that is waiting to be learnt. We are fearful of change because in general society's view it's a bad thing. However, little changes are happening all the time. Like the way a flower blooms, it may take its time to occur but you can be sure it will.

Waiting seems to take forever. And as in my case, if you're relying on other people who are not quick at the best of times, it really did seem to take forever! But you have to look at it with perspective, as I did. I know there are many people out there who are in a worse predicament than I am, so I held onto that nugget of truth and that kept me going. At least my senses don't fail me. I have so much, and I just think sometimes I ignore that and don't appreciate it like I should. Be appreciative of the small things, the minor changes that go on in your life as they are the things that add up to the big picture.

When the time comes for change comes you'll know. You can't rush it. Things happen in our everyday lives for a reason. You may not realise the reason right away, sometimes it can take years or even a whole lifetime unfortunately. It is frustrating to wait. But as it goes, I think waiting has actually made me a stronger person. I'm still finding out what I'm good at, as I've not had a job before and am in the process of learning my new one.

I hope you liked it & it has helped!

Steph

XxX

Your Past Is Your Past

Your past doesn't own you. You don't live in your past anymore. You may have made mistakes in your past but they don't define who you are now. Sometimes we make mistakes/errors because that's the only way we learn. Only you truely get to decide whether past mistakes hold you back. You can only change tomorrow or the later future by the choices you make today. Mistakes are made every day and you are not the only one who makes them though when you find yourself in such situations you think you are. Take it from me, you are not alone. I cannot stress how important that affirmation is. Every step you take is progress in one way or another, even when you feel like you're going backwards. Mistakes make you a stronger person. It may be a daunting prospect: your future but there's not anything you can do to go back to or change the past. It's gone. Let past anxeties go and live for right now. Right now is the most important step you're taking. You are a different person. Even to who you were last year. Science proves that our cells change and reproduce themselves.

Let me know of any worries/concerns you have in life in general and I'll do my best to help you out! Thanks for reading! This is a post that I wrote for the Wisewolf Wendy Mason at www.yourhappinessfactor.net, she has since stopped publishing my work on her site, so I'm going to keep it going on here. Hope you like it and it helps someone. 

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 19

Jamie’s blue eyes hovered over his phone. He opened the text from Ellie that he’d received at 1pm. He just hadn’t had time to catch his breath let alone read a text today. It was 6.46pm now. It was a chirpy text. She was snowed under at work but would be able to meet for a quick drink tonight if he wanted. It told him she’d come to his work to pick him up at 7.15 He held the cards. The ball was in his court. But he also knew that if he didn’t take this opportunity she probably wouldn’t be able to come out with him at all. He sat deliberating this in his office as his boss walked through the door. ‘Jamie Mann, Jamie Mann, Jamie Mann.’ His boss closed the door behind her, even though there was no one in the office. ‘You’ve done a lot this past week and don’t think I haven’t noticed.’ She looked at him. ‘I’d like to offer you a promotion to senior manager,’ she told him.

‘Thank you ma’am,’ He looked perplexed.

‘Don’t bother with that, call me Kate,’ she assured him. He smiled.

‘Thank you Kate,’ he told her, feeling like a naughty schoolboy calling his teacher by their first name. ‘Don’t pretend Jamie. I’ve seen you looking at me. I know you want me,’ she told him alluringly taking her cardigan off where underneath he could see rather big breasts bulging.  ‘Kate…’ he started but she wasn’t finished yet. She knocked everything that was on his desk clean onto the floor and lay atop it. She licked her lips. ‘Kate…’ he began, she caught his shirt and pulled him to her. She kissed his lips and tried to get his mouth open with her tongue. His mouth stayed shut. He didn’t want this. His mobile started to chime as he had set an alarm for 7.15pm to make sure he was ready. His light blue eyes suddenly swivelled to the door where Ellie stood witnessing the work affair. He broke away from Kate and chased out of the room. ‘Ellie…’ he called out, hoping she’d still be there. 

She came out of the bathroom, unable to mask her tears. She had to remember they weren't together in reality. He was entitled to kiss whoever he liked. 

*How are they going to get over this? Is their friendship ever going to be the same? You decide, as it is written for you. 

Steph

XxX*

How To: Make Others Feel Good Part 1

Sometimes people need to hear a ‘well done.’ I think it’s a nice gesture because ‘well done’ can stand for for so many reasons. Well done for making it to this point on your journey through life. I have taken to congratulating and thanking people for the small things because I remember being in hospital and having no one there to congratulate me if I ate well etc. Not that no one came. Of course my family came when they could and I loved seeing them. A piece of normality in all the craziness! I feel good for doing this. Being able to congratulate people is important as is thanking them for the small things that happen every day.  

*Sorry it's so short! 

Steph

XxX*

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 18

Ellie woke up in the morning refreshed and excited for the day. It had been a long time since she’d felt that way. Maybe it had something to do with having had the best night’s sleep in ages but she knew it resulted from something else.

The friendship with Jamie was at a great stage. It was where, in her wildest dreams, she’d estimated them to be right about now. And the fact that he’d actually taken the time to ask to see more of her, can only be a good sign, right?

As Ellie wheeled to work she was happy. She smiled as she rode by reception and made her way up to the 29^th floor. She met Tall in the lift on the way up and informed her of all the drafts that looked good that Tall should ask for more of. Authors only send a chapter Tall’s way because of the popular demands of her service and Ellie gets passed many. ‘Wow, you’ve done a week’s reading in two days!’ Tall congratulated her. ‘What happened last night?’ Tall knew about Ellie’s plans yester-evening, having caught her in the middle of the text to Jamie.

‘It was nice,’ Ellie said ominously.

‘That’s all you’re going to give me?’ Tall questioned, looking at Ellie.

‘He asked if we could make it a weekly arrangement!’ Ellie told her boss smiling from ear to ear.

‘I think he has puppy dog eyes!’ Tall said as a response. Yes, Ellie thought, he does have really cute hypnotising light blue eyes but she dismissed the comment as just another one of Tall’s acknowledgements and didn’t think anything more of it. She could melt away into those eyes. Thinking of this, and setting up for a normal day at work, Ellie relaxed a little. This was all coming together, and for once she wasn’t foring the situation.

*Please let me know what you'd like to happen, either in the story as a whole or in the next part. I'd really appreciate it as this story is primarily written for you guys. It isn't a story I've written before that I'm taking parts out of, and I have no idea where this story is going or when it'll reach it's end.

Steph

XxX*

Just because it hasn’t happened yet…

Doesn’t mean it won’t! People develop in their own time and experiences happen when YOU are ready for them. Though it is hard to believe they will happen when the time is right for you.

True story time! I thought there was something so wrong with me because I hadn’t been kissed by the time I went to uni. I realised, there wasn’t anything wrong with me I just hadn’t met the right person to share my first kiss with. And I was glad I waited when it finally did come around.

Peer pressure is tough. But at the end of the day, YOU ARE your own person. It’s YOUR actions YOU have to be happy with when you go to sleep at night. You are different to your friends. You have not been through what they have and they haven’t been through what you have. You are telling yo

ur own story. Never forget that. No one else can write it, no one knows what you know. People don’t react the same. So something that may be no big deal to your friends, may result in a major turning point in your life.

Waiting for the right time right place is depressing when you have a negative point of view. But when you are open and put faith in life, you realise that anywhere can be the right time, right place. When you start to act in accordance with this, things youy never thought of in right time right place terms will start to occur.

I know it’s frustrating to wait. Believe me, it will be worth it when you find it or are ready. There’s nothing that can feed the hunger of a wandering heart but I can only suggest what I did until I found myself in the right time, right place. I read a lot, romance is my bag, so I was reading about events that hadn’t occurred in my life yet, so obviously I liked to torture myself before my first kiss occurred. I wrote lots of stories, again romance, either about the lead up to a first kiss or a relationship going downhill. Writing lyrics really helped, as I could complain through them. And no one has read them. Most of them. I have them all stacked up in my room. Sometimes I find it beneficial to read back through them. Music helped me get through of course! I realised I wasn’t alone. That’s really important to point out. Everything that you have to do, have done and say have been done by someone else on this planet. It’s kind of a dampner if you’re creative like me and countless others. But there are still great ideas and/or twists to be thought of. This idea helps when you’re thinking of mistakes. It’s good to know that someone else has been through it and come out the other side. 

Hope you guys enjoyed it! 

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 17

It’s been three weeks since Jamie has seen Ellie.. Or Sophia. Or anyone for that matter. He basically went to his to sleep and got up the next day to go to work. He was working til late and starting early. It was a busy period with the holidays just around the corner. He had so much on his mind that he hadn’t stopped to think of Ellie or how she was doing. That’s why a text on the 1^st of December really surprised him. ‘Hey, want to meet for Drinks at 8 in my local?’ she asked via text. Jamie was stumped.

He had received it at lunch time but didn’t reply until 4ish. He decided he’d been working so hard he could meet up with her tonight. He deserved to. And who knows? Tonight might be the night. He left the office at six, went home and got ready. He wore a sky blue top with jeans and gelled his hair up. He hoped she’d like it.

He got to the bar at 5 to 8. He knew what to order so her glass was sitting there when she arrived. She was dressed in a very cute skater dress in yellow. ‘Ahh, you know what I need,’ she came to the table and took a sip of her drink. ‘Thank you,’ she smiled as if apprehended for not saying thanks first. He smiled back cheekily.

‘Tall working you hard?’ he questioned.

‘No, no she’s fine. It’s just the amount of books lately!’ she laughed. ‘What about you?’ she asked, her tone slightly concerned.

‘Busy, busy times! I mean, it must be the same. The books pile up as Christmas gets closer…’

‘Don’t remind me!’

‘So what are you doing this year?’

‘Oh, just the usual you know,’ Ellie told him. ‘What about you?’

‘Well, this is the first Christmas I’m on my own,’ Jamie told Ellie.

‘Oh,’ she cooed. ‘Well, if you want there’s always an extra space at our table.’

‘Thank you, I’ll bear that in mind!’ he said courteously. He wasn’t sure whether to take up that offer. He hadn’t really thought that much about what he’d do. Two days off work. He was looking forward to sleeping in.

Ellie finished her drink and then said, ‘Well, I’ve got to get started on the pile. I take those from the bottom first so I can really look forwards to the one on top!’

‘Let’s hope the one on top’s not a dud!’ Jamie chortled.

‘It’s been really good to see you!’

‘Let’s make this a weekly deal, hmm?’

‘If you want,’

‘It’ll get me out of work!’ Jamie said.

‘Ok then, see you next week then!’ Ellie said as she turned and wheeled out of the bar. 

Thank you for reading,

Steph

XxX 

How To: Reduce Negative Vibes In Your Life

Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere. Beating yourself down by being negative about yourself is counter-productive. Whether it just to yourself or the whole wide world. It is hard to stop thinking negatively.

I know what you’re thinking: ‘Well, those people who have “made it” were born like that.’

I’ve got news for you. They weren’t. They have just risen above negative vibes because they have realised they don’t need negativity in their lives. When you start to think positively, there’s no room for ‘If it goes wrong’ thoughts. You just have to believe the situation will work out how it’s meant to. Ask yourself the opposite questions if you’re assuming bad results from an endeavour. I learned from Tony Robbins that asking yourself different questions is the best way to change the results you get. These are two affirmations I learned from him.

You can change who you are by changing what you put in your mind. (Stop filling up on negativity, like a petrol station, negativity will only get you so far up the road yet with positivity you can go for many miles.)

There are no failures, only outcomes. (If you start thinking about it this way, you will find peace even when things do go wrong.)

Of course, things will still go wrong but things do not get stronger unless you will them to. Negativity is such an easy leap to make. Thinking about things positively is a harder assumption to make. But it’s worth it, because you feel so much better. We all leap to negativity because we think we don’t deserve to feel good all the time. Life gets in the way, and we have so many worries/troubles that we don’t believe we can feel good or don’t believe we should.

But we can. We should. We deserve this. You deserve this. Yes, you sitting right there. If you are reading this, no matter what the time, you do deserve to feel good.

It takes a lot to change your thoughts into a more positive frame. And it will start to change your feelings when you think more positively. And if you feel more positive that’s great news for you.

‘Think positive & positive things will happen.’

Not immediately. Things take their own time in different lives.

*I’m going to do a ‘How come it hasn’t happened to me yet’ next week so if you have any questions/wonderings or input I can use in that please comment below or go to my facebook page www.facebook.com/therealstephcarfrae leaving a comment or message for me and I just might use your comment/answer your question. Of course, confidentiality will be digressed.

Steph

XxX*

Things Are Not Clear Cut part 16

The next morning Ellie awoke to a text, Good morning. Thank you so much for yesterday! It was a text from Jamie which made her smile but she wasn’t about to scream about it. She had composed herself since a few weeks ago and she no longer felt the need to declare her love for him. If he wanted her, he’d fight for her and she couldn’t do anything to make him. She resolved to that. She decided to shut herself off from running into him, then if he wanted to spend time with her she’d know. She went about making herself a packed lunch – which meant she could stay and eat it in the office – therefore shutting off running into him at the deli.

When she got to work, Tall was waiting for her. ‘So,’ she began. ‘How was last night?’

‘Uncomfortable. I hardly even knew the girl and she breaks down in front of me,’ Ellie told Tall. ‘Hmm,’ Tall walked into her office and said no more about it. It was like she had just confirmed something to herself.

It had felt weird. Impersonal. ‘It’s not long after the split, I suppose,’ Ellie said aloud to herself, trying to make sense of what happened. It had been strange. Maybe Jamie hadn’t known she would react like that. Maybe Jamie didn’t know how deep her emotions had run. Ellie had had enough of giving Jamie the benefit of the doubt.

Lunch time came around when Ellie had just finished reading a sample for Franchesca Little’s new book, Bones. It looked like it was going to turn into one of those books that’d take over the world. Ellie made a note of this to tell Tall after lunch, when her phone started ringing. It was the office phone, so Ellie answered it in a business-like manner. ‘Hi Kurplzz books, what can I do for you today?’ Ellie asked.

‘Hey Ellie, it’s Jamie, want to meet for lunch?’ He asked.

‘I would, but Tall has me drowned in paper-work! I’m sorry,’ she lied.

‘Oh no worries!’ Jamie sounded hurt and rang off. Ellie felt bad for lying to him, but he knew where to find her if he wanted her.

She got on with getting her sandwiches out of their packaging. She focused on eating and took her mind off Jamie. She had eaten her lunch and there was only 5 minutes break left, so she shut her eyes. She opened them again five seconds later to a ‘Ellie!’ And there before her, stood Jamie. His dark blonde hair kind-of bopped as he moved closer. ‘El, thank you so much for last night, I can’t tell you how much that meant, to me and Sophia!’ he told her. At that moment, the lift chimed and Tall walked through back to her office. ‘Uh-huh,’ she commented as soon as she saw Jamie, winking at Ellie. 

*What do YOU want to see happen? This story is going nowhere without YOUR help! So please, what do you want to happen in the next part?

Steph

XxX*

How To: Cope With Life’s Ups and Downs Pt. 1

If you keep doing the same thing how are things ever going to get better/change? Try looking at a task in a new way, start asking yourself more optimistic questions (like how could this go right? Etc.) or be strong and make a change. It’ll be for the better, if not now than eventually. You’re more ready for this than you know. It will feel scary but you have the power to make it through this. Sometimes change is a necessity to help you grow.

Take the highs with the lows. How many times have you heard this? Countless times I’m sure. I want to rewrite this quote though, take the lows with the highs. Although there are small highs in each and every day, there appear to be more lows than highs in reality that one acknowledges. 

*Sorry it's short! 

Steph

XxX*

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 15

Jamie looked at the clock on the wall overlooking his desk. It was quarter to six. Usually work doesn’t tide him over, but tonight he just had to confirm an act to perform at next week’s charity gig. It should only have taken half an hour at the most – but after listening to countless answer phones, he had not been willing to leave his contact information because he really needed them to confirm today. Deciding to call Felicity, the band’s cook, on a whim that she’d be able to talk to someone, he did so and was very pleased with the results he got. The band confirmed for next week, telling him that they were in a place with barely any signal, so that was the cause of the endless phones ringing! He was elated to hear that the band was able to meet with him tomorrow to discuss their set list among other things.

Jamie put down the phone, looked at the clock and his thoughts returned to tonight. Oh dear. It was around half past when he finally left the office. He speeded home in 10 minutes, which was a personal best and he changed quickly. He slung some jeans on and a white top, making sure it had no stains on. He smiled before rushing into the bathroom to spike his hair up. The doorbell went and Sophia arrived and Jamie went about making her favourite cocktail in the kitchen. She sat down in his living room and he bought the drink through to her. She had just come from work.

The doorbell chimed Ellie’s arrival at five past seven. She was dressed in a skater dress and it complemented her perfectly. She was wearing black tights beneath the dress and looked exquisitely made up. She really had a sparkle in her eye tonight. He smiled when he greeted her at the door and let her in momentarily spellbound by her as she moved past him. ‘Hey, Sophia isn’t it? I’m Ellie,’ she very politely introduced herself and held out a hand to be shaken. Sophia very gratefully accepted her warm hand and drank some more of her drink.

Right on cue, Jamie walked in and handed Ellie a drink, which he had taken the liberty of pouring out for her. ‘It’s vodka coke,’ Jamie told her. She beamed back at him, he knew her so well. ‘Thank you,’ she said as she drank a little and then set it on the coaster beside her.

‘Where’s Jeff?’ Sophia asked suddenly.

‘He’s out of town,’ Jamie replied.

‘Shame, I’ve always liked him, no one to get over Tom better with…’ Sophia trailed off looking out of the window.

‘So, Tom –’ Ellie interrupted wanting to know more about why she’d been summoned. ‘He was my everything…’ Tears fell from Sophia’s eyes on cue and all that Ellie could do was hug her. ‘I know it’s tough…I know it’s tough,’ she kept repeating into Sophia’s auburn hair.

About an hour later, Jamie decided to refresh the drinks. He hated seeing Sophia, a work colleague from his old work go through so much pain for Tom Sinclair, an ex-boss of Jamie’s. Jamie had told Sophia right at the beginning, to get involved with Tom would not end well. Jamie has of course threatened to go round to Tom’s place and knock some sense into him, but on second thoughts had not, because of the bodyguards and people that Tom hung out with. Tom really thought he was THE man and had the security guards to prove it. Jamie placed another drink out for Sophia, only to be told she had an early start and had to be going. ‘But thanks guys! It’s been great!’

Jamie bid her farewell and turned his attention to Ellie. ‘WOW! That was…’ Ellie began to say, unable to finish the sentence. ‘Something,’ Jamie handed her the word he used when unable to find the words. ‘Indeed,’ Ellie agreed, starting to laugh. Jamie loved her little giggle.

‘She can’t go back to work in that place,’ she told him, getting serious.

‘I know, but jobs are so hard to come by these days, looks like she’ll just have to suck it up, for a while anyway,’ Jamie replied. He knew what Sophia should do, and she was a well-educated woman, but one with her own mind when it came to what she wanted to do. And she had really hit the jackpot, she had always wanted to be a manager and working under Tom had seemed like the perfect fit. Jamie just didn’t realise how far under she’d crawled, until it was too late.  

Ellie drank the drink Jamie had gotten for Sophia. ‘So, you really like her huh?’ she asked taking a sip. ‘She’s just a good friend,’ Jamie told her. Ellie nodded.

‘Ok, so why’d you keep in contact?’

‘Her brother was having a hard time finding work, and we just kept in contact because of that, and of course I knew the sleaze ball Tom,’ Jamie told her matter-of-factly. ‘Want a refill?’ Jamie asked, noticing her glass was empty.

‘Nah, I’ve probably got to go, Tall would kill me otherwise!’ she looked him in the eyes. They were both caught in the moment, not wanting it to end. ‘I’m sure she wouldn’t!’ Jamie replied playfully, stealing his eyes away. He reached for the glass and caught her hand. A bolt of energy struck him at their touch but he said nothing. He wondered if she had felt it. Her eyes were now lit up, shimmering in the light, but they must have been before and he scolded himself for not noticing. ‘So goodbye,’ she said reaching out to hug him. But he was too quick. ‘Yeah, goodbye,’ he called from the kitchen where he stayed until he heard the door shut softly behind her.

*Hope you liked it! If there's anything you'd like to see happen, let me know. What would you like to see in the next part? 

Steph

XxX* 

How To: Cope With Lateness

There are many reasons for lateness; and if they do care about you or the situation they will get there. As people in this day and age, I think we are too quick to assume if lateness is an issue they just don’t care. You don’t know what might be going on in somebody else’s life. If you jump to conclusions that they just don’t care, sadly for 1 out of 5 people nowadays that may be the case. However the minorities once again strike, because of what we see and hear on the news. There are still good people out there.

You don’t know what’s going on in somebody else’s life or mind that could cause them to slip up or not be somewhere on time. If you contact a person via email it may be that they’ve not picked it up yet or they have but are just a little bit busy to get back to you currently. But they will get in contact in their own time. And if they don’t, it’s their loss. That’s how I look at it anyway!

Don’t jump to conclusions so soon! I know it’s hard in a world of instant messaging and texts being able to be sent from anywhere. But you’ve got to have an open mind. They could be having the worst day of their life, someone close to them may have died, honestly anything can happen just out of the blue in this life, so please don’t think they don’t care outright. In time, you’ll see that patience is a great virtue and maybe it would be worth it to give someone another chance. 

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 14

A few weeks had passed since Jamie and Ellie had last spoken. She had got on with her job – ever professional, pretending that everything was Ok. She longed for a phone call from Jamie or perhaps just a text to let her know he hadn’t forgotten about her. But she knew oh so well how things can happen in other people’s lives that one would have no clue of. Just because Jamie didn’t seem to be going through a hard time didn’t mean he wasn’t. And she of all people knows what it’s like to bottle up feelings and work to let that get the best of you. She calmed herself by telling herself that Jamie would get in contact with her when he was ready. She did not allow herself to think negatively of why he didn’t get in contact with her. Maybe he had another girl pleasing him – she knew this was none of her business and they were only friends at the moment. How to close that gap? That was the issue that she thought most relevant to their situation. Work had probably piled up and that was the reason he was uncontactable. 

She didn’t know what went on in his life and she didn’t like to speculate. Other people did that with her all the time, thought that appearance meant everything. She is a well-turned-out girl always dressing well and on time when she needs to be. But people are surprised, look at her in awe, when they have a conversation with her about what’s happening in the world or just general chit-chat from day to day. Of course, her friends like Poppy recognise her as a friend and don’t do all the gawping. But it is the strangers, the strangers that thankfully she’ll probably never see again. Did they think she lived in another world? Did they think that her issues outweighed the state of this world, when indeed they’d grasped that she lived in it?

She went for lunch at her usual deli and was surprised to turn around and see Jamie coming through the door. She had ordered and went to sit at a table. Jamie ordered what he wanted, as the shop was quiet, and came to sit down opposite Ellie. She swept a few tendrils of hair back with her hand and clipped them out of her face.

‘I don’t have long. One of our writers cornered me about their next novel! I only have 10 minutes,’ Ellie told Jamie, looking straight at him.

‘That’s OK, what I have to say won’t take long. It’s just – well – I’ve got a friend Sophia who just had her heart thumped by another guy, would you be up for drinks tonight at my place?’ Jamie spoke softly.

WOW! He was finally inviting her over to his, even if it was to help someone else. ‘Sure,’ Ellie replied coolly, looking down at her ham and cucumber baguette. ‘Ok, cool, thanks. It’s at 7,’ Jamie informed her. Ellie nodded at her serviette.

‘I’ll be there,’ she said, finishing her baguette and wiping her mouth. She re-applied her light pink lipstick very quickly, holding out a pocket mirror to apply it with expertise. She bid goodbye to Jamie, they’d already swapped directions to his place and in a flash she was out of the door and very quickly passing reception to get back to work. 

*Hope you like it. Thank you for reading!

Steph

XxX*

How To: Be Determined

I went into hospital for my third operation. I was having the tendons in my calves released. I was in a children’s hospital because at the time I was only sixteen.  It was painful. I had emails from Carrie Hope Fletcher, which I’d acquired prior to the visit. They really inspired me and helped me to keep strong. I read them every night before I went to sleep. I cannot even express how much that meant to me. The emails were sent via myspace back in the days myspace was cool! I’ve actually met Carrie and thanked her endlessly. To think a superstar like her, would care about me is mind-blowing. So once again, Carrie thank you, your words really were magic!

Visitors made me feel a lot better, as they always do. But it was the result of a text I received that really spurred me on to get out of hospital. The text said something like: It’s been a couple of days, I haven’t heard from you and am scared for you. Although my legs still hurt, from the moment I got that text I was determined to leave hospital, merely so I could get in contact with this person. (At the time I had a pay as you go contract and I had run out of money on it for that month. Typical teenager!) It was the love I felt for this person that got me out of hospital, and the fact that I didn’t want that person worrying unnecessarily. My legs honestly felt like lead, but I was determined to tell this person that I was Ok that I took a few steps which allowed me to go home. 

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 13

Any excuse, any excuse, Jamie thought. He had returned to his job which started at 8am this morning. He had been waking up about this time for  the Kurplzz job with Ellie, so when his alarm woke him it was earlier than he had prepared for. He got up nevertheless, had a shower, did all the morning necessities and got ready for the day. Today he was wearing a plain light blue top with jeans. His hair was dark blonde, the dye now fading. But he didn’t mind. He ruffled it up and gelled it up. Then he thought of Ellie, and wrote a text to her. He waited a few moments before sending it because it might be too early and would she even want an early morning text from him? He knew that early morning texts were usually reserved for people in relationships but then he realized why not? You only live once, so he may as well let his feelings be known. If a morning text didn’t prove to her she’d been on his mind since he woke up, he doesn’t know what will. He went out of his apartment after he saw his alarm telling him he had 20 minutes  before usual work resumed. It was a 15-minute walk to his work. He worked for a charity, arranging venues and getting into contact with celebs to represent them. It was a quiet time at the moment, and he had passed the brunt of the work to Matt, who worked as his understudy, for the last two days. He thought he’d give him a chance, without Jamie himself breathing down his neck. Everyone deserves that, in his book. And Matt seemed like a good colleague, able to talk to people and sympathize with them, and get sympathy from them. Jamie cannot wait to see how Matt coped. He walked in the opposite direction to the one he’d been using for the last two days. 

*Hope this insight into Jamie's life has been useful! I'll probably do one from her perspective next and his after. 

Steph

XxX