Kick Into Action

My baby had words with me about not researching what he’s interested in. All the information is there at our fingertips (if you have an internet connection) and so we just need to be able to harness that information. It’s all there. Now, fair point I don’t often go out of my way to research stuff. I guess it’s a bad habit. Which my baby is trying to free me from. So I don’t blame him at all. Sometimes I just need a kick up the arse! 

I’m so interested to find out what he likes and the reason why and it’s time to grow up; be an adult and find out things for myself! I really needed someone to tell me this, so as ever more love bleeds out of me for Ollie than ever! 

Now I have quotes scattered all around my room at home and it’s really time I started taking my own advice. Today is ur someday. 

Today is your day; you can make it positive or negative. Hopefully it’s the former and you can be positive about the changes you are making. 

It strikes me how much time we waste being angry or not pushing ourselves to be the best we can. 

With my disability I do tend to get tired easily and in no way am I making excuses for the behaviour I present but I do need more time to work on stuff. I will get there but in my own time, is all that I can say to defend my position. I have an active mind still, and as long as that keeps burning inside me, that’s all I can hope for.

Steph

XxX

Hiya, A Review Of Waterskiing

Whoa, I am so sorry it's been so long I have been really busy. Actually living my life as apposed to stazring at the walls....which I have much experience of. I want to post about the awesome time I had waterskiing but I've been doing so much in between it's hard to know wherfe to begin!

My life is certainly busier, more fabulous and more adventurous since I met my beau, Oliver Matthew Bruce. He just takes my breath away...he's so beautiful. And he has a kind heart. I still can't believe how lucky I am to get to have him in my life. How blessed I am that he lifted me out of the confines of loneliness which I felt trapped in...

Waterskiing was incredible. I was doing a taster session with Sportability which is a fantastic charity. (www.sportability.org.uk) It was thrilling and freeing. I even fell in - but felt so secure that by the time fear fizzled to the surface the instructors were helping me back onto the ski. The way it worked I sat down to waterski. You have to have enough upper body strength to remain sitting up whist a rope pulls you along at speed and I am lucky enough to have that ability. It was awe-inspiring, adrenelin racing. It was such an incredible experience that I can't wait to repeat!

Steph

XxX

All These Thoughts...

Sorry I haven't been doing this as regularly as planned...I can only apologise.

I hate being singled out for being disabled. I used to get it a lot at school and things have improved as I have gotten older but it's still there. I am just an individual with different needs. And different doesn't mean bad. It's just that, different. We all are. I am different and there's nothing I can do about that. And even if I could, I wouldn't. Why would I trade my life for one of perfection? Perfection would be dead boring.

Plus where would all the adventures disguised as challenges come from? Adventures do come disguised as challenges most of the time, and there is no shame in that. If it challenges you then it changes you in some way, albeit small, but it might change the way you look at something which is no bad thing. These are adventures, let your mind see them as such. If you change the vocabulary you use, you can change your mindset about a lot of things.

Steph

XxX

A Thought Or Two...

I have been rubbish at this lately... I'm sorry. My boyfriend takes up most my time nowadays...and  I'm so happy. I never thought I would be. I never thought I deserved to be. I never thought I would be in this position because I add so much more complication to life.

I am loving work at the moment. It was only my first day last week but I am loving every second of it. It's so interesting and relevant in my life. I'm the daredevil person - the one who'll try anything because if you don't try how will you ever know? The company is called Disability Today and it's a great resource for looking up what kind of things are available for disabled people. My boss is Grant Logan who's done loads of videos on youtube about the things he's done after his accident. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwriL90pUNE 

Stteph

XxX

A Poem I Wrote

A long time ago...before I met my boyfriend. But I'm so glad I found it because it's good to reflect upon.....

I don't know where
I don't know when
But I know I'm gonna find you
Someday
It might be today

Stop hiding away
Cos that day might be today
But you'll never know if you don't take chances
Shaky hands and nervous glances
Just live for today
All the heartache just throw away
Cos you don't need to
Suffer from all they put you through
You wanna feel your heart come alive
It will at the right time
You've just not met them yet
Think of all the good times yet to be met.

My First Day At Work And 'A Little Information'

It was so good!

I was basically filling out a spreadsheet for work. And it was so interesting.

Just scratching at the surface of what's out there which I had no idea about.

This job will open doors and possible new activities and therefore, new hobbies.

Last Sunday I was at 'A Play In A Day' in The Stoke Public House in Guildford. It took place in the back room.

Inspired by '1984', 'The Hothouse' and 'One For The Road', the play is a really intense but fun ride to take.

All day was spent rehearsing and it was really fun for me to see the makings of a show.

Especially a show that was done in one day!

It was so awesome to have read the full script the day before to actually see it come to life!

'A Little Information' is so cleverly written and seeing it actually performed was incredible.

Oliver Matthew Bruce wrote and directed it.

The fact that he was actually there was a  real incredible feat.

It meant you didn't have to worry about wondering what said playwright meant by a certain line or would he/she want it delivered this way?!

I'm sure the cast felt pressure of him being there, but hopefully not too much.

They are all amateur dramatics pros, I was only an observer.

It was performed by Pranksters and it really was worth seeing.

Time

There is no time, only movement. Time has to exist because we made it so. Like if a ball goes up, it must come down. In other words, time is man made! It's just something that the human species made up to explain the changes that occur naturally. As much as the seasons are counted and months are in our ever expanding understanding of our universe.

Things take their own time to ripen and taking your own time to adjust to things is really Ok, even though time won't stop for you to prepare yourself for what's coming nextthis is all the joy of living! And yes, it  can be painful and really hard at times, just remember that there is something good that comes from every day.

My boyfriend and I have discussed this and this is the basics. It's a really interesting concept. My boyfriend has broadened my horizons and given me so many new ideas!

Steph

XxX

Interview Time!

Today I embarked on an interview that had taken a long time to set up but was well worth it!

The founder of the company I met with was lovely! His wife was great too. Really friendly and welcoming! 

It's for a company called Disability today (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fAuWuFoeJs&t=31s) and it's a website that connects the unconnected. 

All the services that disabled people, including myself, are entitled to aren't that well advertised, so it's a case of finding out what is available and signposting people. 

Which is what I've done before, only we had to meet them to signpost them. 

It's letting people know what is out there and/or what experiences are out there waiting to be had!

It really looks to be so much fun. It might even inspire some new hobbies or interests for me so watch this space! 

Steph

XxX 

Nervousness

I was asked by my boyfriend to meet one of his many best friends last night.

I've already met one of them on Whatsapp and his parents on Messenger as they are living abroad right now.

I'm not a nervous person.

All I can be is myself!

Why would I want or need to be anything different?

I can't be anything other than me.

And it worked.

His best friend was lovely and we chatted about plays and theatres.

What is the point in being nervous about something you don't know?

How is it possible?

Surely it's an unknown entity.

And however it works out is what its going to be and  you can only change that with the amount of energy you put into whatever it might be today.

I do get that people get nervous and that they experience it and it can suck.

I just get it as a choice 'I could feel really nervous about this...' but I think I live in the moment rather than worry about what the future may hold.

I think I've hardwired my brain to think positively.

Steph

XxX

Guide Star by Joy Ellis Book Review

It's not so often that a book gets to me - but this one did. I could relate so closely with the characters - it was marvellous!!

'Stella won't give up, but she doesn't know how to go on. 

Stella North, a rising star in the police, has her life torn apart by a gunman's bullets. She has often faced danger, but these injuries mean she must give up the job she loves. Her grandmother Beth is her rock. And Beth is no ordinary woman. At seventy, she runs marathons and has a past that Stella knows very little about. 

Beth calls in her friend Michael to help with Stella's recovery. But this man means a lot more to Beth than she reveals. And Stella's ex-husband Edward and old police partner Robbie want to help, but Stella puts up emotional barriers, and they have problems of their own. Her old friends from her days of Urbex (exploring old abandoned buildings) offer a glimmer of hope for the future.' 

I was blown away by how much you get involved with these characters whilst reading. It was really emotional. I loved the character of Jackhammer and I can totally see where he's coming from and why he did what he did. It was a real rollercoaster of a book and not to be missed.

It's a really interesting idea - how to get enjoyment out of life when you've lost so much encircled with other people's lives and worries going on too.

Such strong characters and her style was just lovely to read.

10/10 in my book!

Thank you for reading!

Steph

XxX

Laughter Yoga

I tried laughter yoga last week!

It was really fun and so beneficial.

Do you know how many muscles laughing helps?

At least 30!

It helps relieve tension and it's good for you!

It was put on by Disability Initiative where I still go twice a week.

We had a lovely instructor. 

That was one of the tasks.

We basically had to keep saying 'ho ho ha ha!' until we cracked up.

It helps to do it in a group or even just with a partner, but say you're on your own.

That does get a little funny after you repeat it so many times!

When you pretend you're a Father Christmas practising it gets funny!

And then we listened to some laughter off youtube which just set us off again.

Hope this has helped and hey, sometimes you just need to laugh - it's like a bee buzzing inside of you - I can guarantee you'll feel better when it's out. Sometimes you just need to laugh at the ridiculousness of life!

Steph

XxX

Make life WORK for you!

Sometimes I forget that people don't live inside my head.

I'll make a comment about something and then have to retrace what I was, in fact, making the point about.

Other people think seldom about you; they are concerned with their own affairs.

Never stop being you for someone else.

Don't stop doing what you're doing in every day life.

It's got you this far! And if a change is necessary let it be gradual.

You can't suddenly become a pro at anything without working up to it with practise.

The best in the world had to start somewhere.

They were once beginners too.

As they say in Harry Potter 'Every great wizard in history has started out as nothing more than what we are now. Students. If they can do it, why not us?'

I know that that is in a slightly different context, but the point is, the greats had to start somewhere and as Harry rightfully points out, what is stopping us from being great?

It's often us who stand in our own way, thinking we're not good enough or we don't deserve it.

You have to be able to take a step back at times, remember what you want in life and go for it.

Nothing is going to happen if you just stay in bed dreaming about it.

You have to make it happen for yourself.

Depending on others will let you down in the end.

I have to depend on people a whole lot in my life, it's more out of necessity than want. But I make the best of it because this is the only life I'm in, the only life I know.

And that's with getting transport to work, and Disability Initiative mostly.

I rely on my mum to get me dressed in the mornings and that is quite a heavy burden but she never makes it feel like that. I get up, turn the radio on, and then I'll get in the shower or whatever.

We never do things without music.

Except reading!

As you know I am an avid book lover and won't go anywhere without my book, there are sometimes pauses in life (long queues, waiting in doctors surgeries etc.) where having a book can be so worthwhile!

Steph

XxX

'Now'

Chorus:
I don't care what I'm gonna lose
I don't care what I gotta prove
Now matters
Now is the only time we have
This moment wanna make it last
Now is the time to stand

V1:
Don't give in to time wasters
Be the game changer
Cos there are lots of things in this life
But how you ever meant to see the light?
If you keep hiding away
Under a rock is where you'll stay
So come out of the shadows
Cos now is the time you know
(Repeat Chorus)
V2:
Now is the time that counts
Don't let anything no no one bring you down
Cos you deserve much better than this and learn
Make a change when you don't where to turn
It might change perception
And it may not but you'll have the lesson
So be completely who you are
Cos you're a guiding star
(Repeat Chorus)
M8:
Now is what matters
Do something to make your future brighter
Cos if not now then when?
If you don't know phone a friend
And they'll say
Now is the time to act
Cos now is the time we have.

© 2018 S. Carfrae

This is a lyric which I just finished. But it talks about this moment that we all have. Now. If you want to make a change then go for it now. Don't think that can wait. If you can do something about it, do it now before it's too late. Not that it necessarily will be, but wouldn't you rather have done it than be wondering what if?

Steph

XxX

Taking Things For Granted Curb

Sorry I've been away for so long! I'm a nightmare, honestly . . .

I am aware that I take things for granted. I always believe everything will carry on as before - just as the day before. When I sit down and think about it - this really scares me. Am I really so small that it's going to take something drastic to change my way of thinking?

I do acknowledge that I should take some time out every day to appreciate even the simple things I take for granted every day - like having a warm home & bed, having food & water on hand any time I want.

Then there are the bigger things I take for granted like being healthy (most of the time) and having a loving, close family who take care of me and most importantly love me unconditionally.

So I am going to take a few minutes out of every day to think about everything I take for granted and write them down so I can remember. Then I hope to be more grateful for what I have.

When nothing is going on in your life - I think it's easy to feel like this. If it's not happening now - you are not busy - it's very easy to get caught in a whirlwind of why does this always happen to me? Just remember the world is getting ready for your arrival. It sometimes takes a long time and you're held up at the gate.

Take my analogy. Life is like an airport. It can take so long to get through security that you think it's never going to happen. The best bit is you get to shop at duty free! It can be the never-ending airport and the great thing is all of the gates are things that have happened in your life - personal victories that have meant something to you.

Just like - I made a list of things I was proud of by the time I turned 21 - now they'll mean nothing to any one else but they meant something to me.

I hope to go back to  posting weekly - perhaps on a Monday or Tuesday? Wish me luck with that,

Steph

XxX

Hello 2018!

Hey I apologise that I'm writing this 23 days into 2018! I've had the flu and stuff has been happening but I'm here now!

So happy 2018! I hope this will be a good year for you.

It's Ok to be in the middle. Most people are. 

I used to believe that people who knew what they wanted to do with their lives were the game makers of life. But then I realised that life was unpredictable for them too. 

By in the middle I mean unknowing about the future. 

Like not having a plan. 

It's a good idea to have a plan for most things but don't ever forget that one can't control everything. 

There will always be something changing. 

Constantly changing. 

You have to make the best of the situation you find yourself in. 

Steph

XxX