Your Past Is Your Past

Your past doesn't own you. You don't live in your past anymore. You may have made mistakes in your past but they don't define who you are now. Sometimes we make mistakes/errors because that's the only way we learn. Only you truely get to decide whether past mistakes hold you back. You can only change tomorrow or the later future by the choices you make today. Mistakes are made every day and you are not the only one who makes them though when you find yourself in such situations you think you are. Take it from me, you are not alone. I cannot stress how important that affirmation is. Every step you take is progress in one way or another, even when you feel like you're going backwards. Mistakes make you a stronger person. It may be a daunting prospect: your future but there's not anything you can do to go back to or change the past. It's gone. Let past anxeties go and live for right now. Right now is the most important step you're taking. You are a different person. Even to who you were last year. Science proves that our cells change and reproduce themselves.

Let me know of any worries/concerns you have in life in general and I'll do my best to help you out! Thanks for reading! This is a post that I wrote for the Wisewolf Wendy Mason at www.yourhappinessfactor.net, she has since stopped publishing my work on her site, so I'm going to keep it going on here. Hope you like it and it helps someone. 

Steph

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Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 19

Jamie’s blue eyes hovered over his phone. He opened the text from Ellie that he’d received at 1pm. He just hadn’t had time to catch his breath let alone read a text today. It was 6.46pm now. It was a chirpy text. She was snowed under at work but would be able to meet for a quick drink tonight if he wanted. It told him she’d come to his work to pick him up at 7.15 He held the cards. The ball was in his court. But he also knew that if he didn’t take this opportunity she probably wouldn’t be able to come out with him at all. He sat deliberating this in his office as his boss walked through the door. ‘Jamie Mann, Jamie Mann, Jamie Mann.’ His boss closed the door behind her, even though there was no one in the office. ‘You’ve done a lot this past week and don’t think I haven’t noticed.’ She looked at him. ‘I’d like to offer you a promotion to senior manager,’ she told him.

‘Thank you ma’am,’ He looked perplexed.

‘Don’t bother with that, call me Kate,’ she assured him. He smiled.

‘Thank you Kate,’ he told her, feeling like a naughty schoolboy calling his teacher by their first name. ‘Don’t pretend Jamie. I’ve seen you looking at me. I know you want me,’ she told him alluringly taking her cardigan off where underneath he could see rather big breasts bulging.  ‘Kate…’ he started but she wasn’t finished yet. She knocked everything that was on his desk clean onto the floor and lay atop it. She licked her lips. ‘Kate…’ he began, she caught his shirt and pulled him to her. She kissed his lips and tried to get his mouth open with her tongue. His mouth stayed shut. He didn’t want this. His mobile started to chime as he had set an alarm for 7.15pm to make sure he was ready. His light blue eyes suddenly swivelled to the door where Ellie stood witnessing the work affair. He broke away from Kate and chased out of the room. ‘Ellie…’ he called out, hoping she’d still be there. 

She came out of the bathroom, unable to mask her tears. She had to remember they weren't together in reality. He was entitled to kiss whoever he liked. 

*How are they going to get over this? Is their friendship ever going to be the same? You decide, as it is written for you. 

Steph

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How To: Make Others Feel Good Part 1

Sometimes people need to hear a ‘well done.’ I think it’s a nice gesture because ‘well done’ can stand for for so many reasons. Well done for making it to this point on your journey through life. I have taken to congratulating and thanking people for the small things because I remember being in hospital and having no one there to congratulate me if I ate well etc. Not that no one came. Of course my family came when they could and I loved seeing them. A piece of normality in all the craziness! I feel good for doing this. Being able to congratulate people is important as is thanking them for the small things that happen every day.  

*Sorry it's so short! 

Steph

XxX*

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 18

Ellie woke up in the morning refreshed and excited for the day. It had been a long time since she’d felt that way. Maybe it had something to do with having had the best night’s sleep in ages but she knew it resulted from something else.

The friendship with Jamie was at a great stage. It was where, in her wildest dreams, she’d estimated them to be right about now. And the fact that he’d actually taken the time to ask to see more of her, can only be a good sign, right?

As Ellie wheeled to work she was happy. She smiled as she rode by reception and made her way up to the 29^th floor. She met Tall in the lift on the way up and informed her of all the drafts that looked good that Tall should ask for more of. Authors only send a chapter Tall’s way because of the popular demands of her service and Ellie gets passed many. ‘Wow, you’ve done a week’s reading in two days!’ Tall congratulated her. ‘What happened last night?’ Tall knew about Ellie’s plans yester-evening, having caught her in the middle of the text to Jamie.

‘It was nice,’ Ellie said ominously.

‘That’s all you’re going to give me?’ Tall questioned, looking at Ellie.

‘He asked if we could make it a weekly arrangement!’ Ellie told her boss smiling from ear to ear.

‘I think he has puppy dog eyes!’ Tall said as a response. Yes, Ellie thought, he does have really cute hypnotising light blue eyes but she dismissed the comment as just another one of Tall’s acknowledgements and didn’t think anything more of it. She could melt away into those eyes. Thinking of this, and setting up for a normal day at work, Ellie relaxed a little. This was all coming together, and for once she wasn’t foring the situation.

*Please let me know what you'd like to happen, either in the story as a whole or in the next part. I'd really appreciate it as this story is primarily written for you guys. It isn't a story I've written before that I'm taking parts out of, and I have no idea where this story is going or when it'll reach it's end.

Steph

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Just because it hasn’t happened yet…

Doesn’t mean it won’t! People develop in their own time and experiences happen when YOU are ready for them. Though it is hard to believe they will happen when the time is right for you.

True story time! I thought there was something so wrong with me because I hadn’t been kissed by the time I went to uni. I realised, there wasn’t anything wrong with me I just hadn’t met the right person to share my first kiss with. And I was glad I waited when it finally did come around.

Peer pressure is tough. But at the end of the day, YOU ARE your own person. It’s YOUR actions YOU have to be happy with when you go to sleep at night. You are different to your friends. You have not been through what they have and they haven’t been through what you have. You are telling yo

ur own story. Never forget that. No one else can write it, no one knows what you know. People don’t react the same. So something that may be no big deal to your friends, may result in a major turning point in your life.

Waiting for the right time right place is depressing when you have a negative point of view. But when you are open and put faith in life, you realise that anywhere can be the right time, right place. When you start to act in accordance with this, things youy never thought of in right time right place terms will start to occur.

I know it’s frustrating to wait. Believe me, it will be worth it when you find it or are ready. There’s nothing that can feed the hunger of a wandering heart but I can only suggest what I did until I found myself in the right time, right place. I read a lot, romance is my bag, so I was reading about events that hadn’t occurred in my life yet, so obviously I liked to torture myself before my first kiss occurred. I wrote lots of stories, again romance, either about the lead up to a first kiss or a relationship going downhill. Writing lyrics really helped, as I could complain through them. And no one has read them. Most of them. I have them all stacked up in my room. Sometimes I find it beneficial to read back through them. Music helped me get through of course! I realised I wasn’t alone. That’s really important to point out. Everything that you have to do, have done and say have been done by someone else on this planet. It’s kind of a dampner if you’re creative like me and countless others. But there are still great ideas and/or twists to be thought of. This idea helps when you’re thinking of mistakes. It’s good to know that someone else has been through it and come out the other side. 

Hope you guys enjoyed it! 

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 17

It’s been three weeks since Jamie has seen Ellie.. Or Sophia. Or anyone for that matter. He basically went to his to sleep and got up the next day to go to work. He was working til late and starting early. It was a busy period with the holidays just around the corner. He had so much on his mind that he hadn’t stopped to think of Ellie or how she was doing. That’s why a text on the 1^st of December really surprised him. ‘Hey, want to meet for Drinks at 8 in my local?’ she asked via text. Jamie was stumped.

He had received it at lunch time but didn’t reply until 4ish. He decided he’d been working so hard he could meet up with her tonight. He deserved to. And who knows? Tonight might be the night. He left the office at six, went home and got ready. He wore a sky blue top with jeans and gelled his hair up. He hoped she’d like it.

He got to the bar at 5 to 8. He knew what to order so her glass was sitting there when she arrived. She was dressed in a very cute skater dress in yellow. ‘Ahh, you know what I need,’ she came to the table and took a sip of her drink. ‘Thank you,’ she smiled as if apprehended for not saying thanks first. He smiled back cheekily.

‘Tall working you hard?’ he questioned.

‘No, no she’s fine. It’s just the amount of books lately!’ she laughed. ‘What about you?’ she asked, her tone slightly concerned.

‘Busy, busy times! I mean, it must be the same. The books pile up as Christmas gets closer…’

‘Don’t remind me!’

‘So what are you doing this year?’

‘Oh, just the usual you know,’ Ellie told him. ‘What about you?’

‘Well, this is the first Christmas I’m on my own,’ Jamie told Ellie.

‘Oh,’ she cooed. ‘Well, if you want there’s always an extra space at our table.’

‘Thank you, I’ll bear that in mind!’ he said courteously. He wasn’t sure whether to take up that offer. He hadn’t really thought that much about what he’d do. Two days off work. He was looking forward to sleeping in.

Ellie finished her drink and then said, ‘Well, I’ve got to get started on the pile. I take those from the bottom first so I can really look forwards to the one on top!’

‘Let’s hope the one on top’s not a dud!’ Jamie chortled.

‘It’s been really good to see you!’

‘Let’s make this a weekly deal, hmm?’

‘If you want,’

‘It’ll get me out of work!’ Jamie said.

‘Ok then, see you next week then!’ Ellie said as she turned and wheeled out of the bar. 

Thank you for reading,

Steph

XxX 

How To: Reduce Negative Vibes In Your Life

Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere. Beating yourself down by being negative about yourself is counter-productive. Whether it just to yourself or the whole wide world. It is hard to stop thinking negatively.

I know what you’re thinking: ‘Well, those people who have “made it” were born like that.’

I’ve got news for you. They weren’t. They have just risen above negative vibes because they have realised they don’t need negativity in their lives. When you start to think positively, there’s no room for ‘If it goes wrong’ thoughts. You just have to believe the situation will work out how it’s meant to. Ask yourself the opposite questions if you’re assuming bad results from an endeavour. I learned from Tony Robbins that asking yourself different questions is the best way to change the results you get. These are two affirmations I learned from him.

You can change who you are by changing what you put in your mind. (Stop filling up on negativity, like a petrol station, negativity will only get you so far up the road yet with positivity you can go for many miles.)

There are no failures, only outcomes. (If you start thinking about it this way, you will find peace even when things do go wrong.)

Of course, things will still go wrong but things do not get stronger unless you will them to. Negativity is such an easy leap to make. Thinking about things positively is a harder assumption to make. But it’s worth it, because you feel so much better. We all leap to negativity because we think we don’t deserve to feel good all the time. Life gets in the way, and we have so many worries/troubles that we don’t believe we can feel good or don’t believe we should.

But we can. We should. We deserve this. You deserve this. Yes, you sitting right there. If you are reading this, no matter what the time, you do deserve to feel good.

It takes a lot to change your thoughts into a more positive frame. And it will start to change your feelings when you think more positively. And if you feel more positive that’s great news for you.

‘Think positive & positive things will happen.’

Not immediately. Things take their own time in different lives.

*I’m going to do a ‘How come it hasn’t happened to me yet’ next week so if you have any questions/wonderings or input I can use in that please comment below or go to my facebook page www.facebook.com/therealstephcarfrae leaving a comment or message for me and I just might use your comment/answer your question. Of course, confidentiality will be digressed.

Steph

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Things Are Not Clear Cut part 16

The next morning Ellie awoke to a text, Good morning. Thank you so much for yesterday! It was a text from Jamie which made her smile but she wasn’t about to scream about it. She had composed herself since a few weeks ago and she no longer felt the need to declare her love for him. If he wanted her, he’d fight for her and she couldn’t do anything to make him. She resolved to that. She decided to shut herself off from running into him, then if he wanted to spend time with her she’d know. She went about making herself a packed lunch – which meant she could stay and eat it in the office – therefore shutting off running into him at the deli.

When she got to work, Tall was waiting for her. ‘So,’ she began. ‘How was last night?’

‘Uncomfortable. I hardly even knew the girl and she breaks down in front of me,’ Ellie told Tall. ‘Hmm,’ Tall walked into her office and said no more about it. It was like she had just confirmed something to herself.

It had felt weird. Impersonal. ‘It’s not long after the split, I suppose,’ Ellie said aloud to herself, trying to make sense of what happened. It had been strange. Maybe Jamie hadn’t known she would react like that. Maybe Jamie didn’t know how deep her emotions had run. Ellie had had enough of giving Jamie the benefit of the doubt.

Lunch time came around when Ellie had just finished reading a sample for Franchesca Little’s new book, Bones. It looked like it was going to turn into one of those books that’d take over the world. Ellie made a note of this to tell Tall after lunch, when her phone started ringing. It was the office phone, so Ellie answered it in a business-like manner. ‘Hi Kurplzz books, what can I do for you today?’ Ellie asked.

‘Hey Ellie, it’s Jamie, want to meet for lunch?’ He asked.

‘I would, but Tall has me drowned in paper-work! I’m sorry,’ she lied.

‘Oh no worries!’ Jamie sounded hurt and rang off. Ellie felt bad for lying to him, but he knew where to find her if he wanted her.

She got on with getting her sandwiches out of their packaging. She focused on eating and took her mind off Jamie. She had eaten her lunch and there was only 5 minutes break left, so she shut her eyes. She opened them again five seconds later to a ‘Ellie!’ And there before her, stood Jamie. His dark blonde hair kind-of bopped as he moved closer. ‘El, thank you so much for last night, I can’t tell you how much that meant, to me and Sophia!’ he told her. At that moment, the lift chimed and Tall walked through back to her office. ‘Uh-huh,’ she commented as soon as she saw Jamie, winking at Ellie. 

*What do YOU want to see happen? This story is going nowhere without YOUR help! So please, what do you want to happen in the next part?

Steph

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How To: Cope With Life’s Ups and Downs Pt. 1

If you keep doing the same thing how are things ever going to get better/change? Try looking at a task in a new way, start asking yourself more optimistic questions (like how could this go right? Etc.) or be strong and make a change. It’ll be for the better, if not now than eventually. You’re more ready for this than you know. It will feel scary but you have the power to make it through this. Sometimes change is a necessity to help you grow.

Take the highs with the lows. How many times have you heard this? Countless times I’m sure. I want to rewrite this quote though, take the lows with the highs. Although there are small highs in each and every day, there appear to be more lows than highs in reality that one acknowledges. 

*Sorry it's short! 

Steph

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Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 15

Jamie looked at the clock on the wall overlooking his desk. It was quarter to six. Usually work doesn’t tide him over, but tonight he just had to confirm an act to perform at next week’s charity gig. It should only have taken half an hour at the most – but after listening to countless answer phones, he had not been willing to leave his contact information because he really needed them to confirm today. Deciding to call Felicity, the band’s cook, on a whim that she’d be able to talk to someone, he did so and was very pleased with the results he got. The band confirmed for next week, telling him that they were in a place with barely any signal, so that was the cause of the endless phones ringing! He was elated to hear that the band was able to meet with him tomorrow to discuss their set list among other things.

Jamie put down the phone, looked at the clock and his thoughts returned to tonight. Oh dear. It was around half past when he finally left the office. He speeded home in 10 minutes, which was a personal best and he changed quickly. He slung some jeans on and a white top, making sure it had no stains on. He smiled before rushing into the bathroom to spike his hair up. The doorbell went and Sophia arrived and Jamie went about making her favourite cocktail in the kitchen. She sat down in his living room and he bought the drink through to her. She had just come from work.

The doorbell chimed Ellie’s arrival at five past seven. She was dressed in a skater dress and it complemented her perfectly. She was wearing black tights beneath the dress and looked exquisitely made up. She really had a sparkle in her eye tonight. He smiled when he greeted her at the door and let her in momentarily spellbound by her as she moved past him. ‘Hey, Sophia isn’t it? I’m Ellie,’ she very politely introduced herself and held out a hand to be shaken. Sophia very gratefully accepted her warm hand and drank some more of her drink.

Right on cue, Jamie walked in and handed Ellie a drink, which he had taken the liberty of pouring out for her. ‘It’s vodka coke,’ Jamie told her. She beamed back at him, he knew her so well. ‘Thank you,’ she said as she drank a little and then set it on the coaster beside her.

‘Where’s Jeff?’ Sophia asked suddenly.

‘He’s out of town,’ Jamie replied.

‘Shame, I’ve always liked him, no one to get over Tom better with…’ Sophia trailed off looking out of the window.

‘So, Tom –’ Ellie interrupted wanting to know more about why she’d been summoned. ‘He was my everything…’ Tears fell from Sophia’s eyes on cue and all that Ellie could do was hug her. ‘I know it’s tough…I know it’s tough,’ she kept repeating into Sophia’s auburn hair.

About an hour later, Jamie decided to refresh the drinks. He hated seeing Sophia, a work colleague from his old work go through so much pain for Tom Sinclair, an ex-boss of Jamie’s. Jamie had told Sophia right at the beginning, to get involved with Tom would not end well. Jamie has of course threatened to go round to Tom’s place and knock some sense into him, but on second thoughts had not, because of the bodyguards and people that Tom hung out with. Tom really thought he was THE man and had the security guards to prove it. Jamie placed another drink out for Sophia, only to be told she had an early start and had to be going. ‘But thanks guys! It’s been great!’

Jamie bid her farewell and turned his attention to Ellie. ‘WOW! That was…’ Ellie began to say, unable to finish the sentence. ‘Something,’ Jamie handed her the word he used when unable to find the words. ‘Indeed,’ Ellie agreed, starting to laugh. Jamie loved her little giggle.

‘She can’t go back to work in that place,’ she told him, getting serious.

‘I know, but jobs are so hard to come by these days, looks like she’ll just have to suck it up, for a while anyway,’ Jamie replied. He knew what Sophia should do, and she was a well-educated woman, but one with her own mind when it came to what she wanted to do. And she had really hit the jackpot, she had always wanted to be a manager and working under Tom had seemed like the perfect fit. Jamie just didn’t realise how far under she’d crawled, until it was too late.  

Ellie drank the drink Jamie had gotten for Sophia. ‘So, you really like her huh?’ she asked taking a sip. ‘She’s just a good friend,’ Jamie told her. Ellie nodded.

‘Ok, so why’d you keep in contact?’

‘Her brother was having a hard time finding work, and we just kept in contact because of that, and of course I knew the sleaze ball Tom,’ Jamie told her matter-of-factly. ‘Want a refill?’ Jamie asked, noticing her glass was empty.

‘Nah, I’ve probably got to go, Tall would kill me otherwise!’ she looked him in the eyes. They were both caught in the moment, not wanting it to end. ‘I’m sure she wouldn’t!’ Jamie replied playfully, stealing his eyes away. He reached for the glass and caught her hand. A bolt of energy struck him at their touch but he said nothing. He wondered if she had felt it. Her eyes were now lit up, shimmering in the light, but they must have been before and he scolded himself for not noticing. ‘So goodbye,’ she said reaching out to hug him. But he was too quick. ‘Yeah, goodbye,’ he called from the kitchen where he stayed until he heard the door shut softly behind her.

*Hope you liked it! If there's anything you'd like to see happen, let me know. What would you like to see in the next part? 

Steph

XxX*