How To: Learn From Your Mistakes

One major thing I have learnt is to learn from your mistakes. We ALL make mistakes and it’s not good to punish yourself for making them. I know I used to. Mistakes are a natural stepping stone in evolution. Please don’t write something off just because you’ve made a mistake, a faux par this time. When you try, it accounts for the same. Some things you’ll be able to do without making a mistake, but if and when you do it’s not the end of the world. I’ve covered this many times, how it is always worth a try because everything is changing constantly so who says this second your luck won’t be in?

Mistakes are a natural occurrence and depending on your lifestyle, your attitude and your friends, you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad for making them. It is especially hard when you are punishing yourself – I know from personal experience. I used to think ‘no one else does this, or does it like this,’ which made me feel bad. I’ve learnt since that it’s only human nature and there is nothing wrong with that. I think what I really needed was someone to say that. So here I am. Saying there is nothing wrong with making mistakes. If you think everyone is perfect, that they haven’t made a mistake, just take a step back and see that just because you might not have been around to see it, it does not mean they’re flawless and there is more to life than letting the fact you made one or many mistakes keep you from living.

Everyone makes mistakes and it is the stronger person who takes a mistake (or a few), learns from it (or them) and moves on.

Steph

XxX 

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 10

‘I could call him now, ask him to come for a drink?’ Jamie asked Ellie as they returned to the 29^th floor. All that was going through Ellie’s mind was how perfect he was for her, yet had other intentions regarding their relationship. ‘If you’d like?’ Jamie muttered, unsure if he had her attention.

‘Yeah that’d be great,’ Ellie said without thinking. Then as her consciousness returned, she patted him on the arm. When he looked at her she said thanks and flashed him her Oscar-winning smile. Jamie rushed out of the lift as soon as it arrived at the 29^th floor. Ellie was left wondering if something she had said had made him uncomfortable. She decided to banish this thought almost as soon as it arrived. This is a place of work, she thought, and Jamie is only doing me a favour. Granted, I didn’t ask him to but he’s here to help me out either way.  She had her mind made up that this was a platonic act, nothing more.

She had moved back to her position behind the desk where Jamie was laughing down the phone line again. Probably Poppy, Ellie thought bitterly returning her gaze to the thoughtful words of E.E. Burns.

It was about 3.30pm when she finished the book. It was a good, thoughtful piece, it really made her think. She looked up for the next book in the pile. She was surprised to find Jamie standing in front of her. ‘Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, are you free on Wednesday evening?’ Jamie asked with a hint of a smile dancing on his lips. It was only then, Ellie realised he had his mobile propped at his ear.

‘Yes I am, why?’ Ellie told him.

‘Fantastic!’ Jamie reached up for a high five that Ellie wouldn’t be able to reach. ‘Yeah, yeah, Wednesday at 7pm,’ Jamie said into the phone. Ellie nodded at him and looked longingly up at the hand he had raised for a high five. He hung up the phone once he’d gotten the response he had been waiting for. Jamie looked very pleased with himself. He noticed Ellie looking at his raised hand and he lowered it. ‘Sorry I forgot!’ he giggled. ‘We’ve got a date Wednesday night! With E. E. Burns,’ Jamie confirmed.

*Do you want me to write about Wednesday night's escapades or write about Tuesday with Jamie? Let me know. Thanks

Steph

XxX*

How To: Stop Negative Things From Happening

I have always believed that what you talk about, either to yourself (privately or out loud, as I do all the time, sometimes people have to tell me to shut the hell up!) or to others bring more of whatever you are speaking of into your life. If you are speaking negatively about someone in your mind or to others you won’t get on with that person. From personal experience I can say this is not good. It hurts more people than just the two people involved. If you are speaking negatively about anything, you are inviting more negative things into your life to complain about, but if you cut it off at the source you will be happier. There are so many things to complain about in this life, I know it’s hard to just stop. But there are so many positive things that happen in our lives on a daily basis that we don’t see because we are closed and look to complain about everything. We don’t need more misery in our lives. So although we don’t think we’re contributing to it by being ‘realistic’ or whatever you want to call it we all are. Sorry to break it to you. Of course this isn’t full-proof; just looking and talking of things more positively won’t stop bad things happening; it is just a matter of mind-set. If you talk more positively ((to yourself or out loud) about the things you want you are more likely to receive them. I have no evidence to back this up except when my brother, my parents and I went to the hospital and were told what our disability is! If that’s not proof that positive thinking can do wonders then I don’t know what is. Of course, a lot of science research was used and all that sort of stuff so my positive thinking was not the reason but it certainly helped. Try to see the best in situations, instead of always turning to the ‘Why me’ mode. And if things do go wrong, just think of all the lessons you have learnt from it. I know it’s hard to stop slipping into the natural humanistic complaining routine but it’s the big mistake that most people make. Why have you heard of the people you have heard of? Because they rolled the punches, they took life as it is. 

This is not full-proof. Sometimes things do need to go wrong to remind you of how much you are loved, how much you are worth etc. It's time to look in a positive light when things go wrong. I've had a few bad relationships in the past and every time they have taught me I don't need people like that in my life. I can be strong without, and it wasn't really fair on me holding both of us up to the light. Think of the weight(!) and the energy that was draining from my life! 

Hope this helps, 

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 9

His eyes caught her by surprise. She had been looking at the floor, gathering her strength when she had looked up and found him intently gazing at her. She couldn’t believe he was looking at her with such interest. Maybe I mistook him, Ellie mused returning her eyes to the floor but nevertheless beaming. She was happy and as she looked around the otherwise deserted café it wasn’’’t hard to see why. She avoided looking up at him for a few moments more before:

‘Bet you’re disappointed. I didn’t have the same lunch break as Poppy,’ she said before she even had time to register it. ‘That’s okay,’ he replied. ‘So what book you up to?’

 

Ellie was unamused. He had just left it there, without saying how he was feeling or more importantly who for. She knew that she stood little chance if any with him so decided to let the matter rest. Just focus on friendship. ‘Oh, just a detective novel by E. E. Burns,’ she replied quickly, so as not to let him know what was going on inside her head. ‘Oh, I love his work!’ Jamie laughed nodding.

‘You’ve heard of him?’ Ellie was flabbergasted. She didn’t know anyone else who read E. E. Burns’ novels. ‘Yeah, I used to live with the guy, until he got all high and prestigious and we wereen’t worthy of his time anymore,’ Jamie chuckled.

‘So what was he like?’ Ellie asked, completely entranced.

‘Very ordinary. I think that’s the mistake that fans of his work make. They believe he’s doing all this cool stuff but he’s not. He’s just a regular person. He lives by himself now so he can focus on writing.’ Jamie concluded.

‘Thank you. That was . . . insightful,’ Ellie said as she stood up from their table. ‘We’ve got to get back to work!’

How To: Cope With Being Different

I know I have skirted round this topic in the past but never really addressed it personally! So here you go...hope you like it...


We all are different, may I begin by saying? Some things that work for me may not work for you but if you don’t try something then you’ll never know. I was raised to believe in myself, know my limitations and exercise what I wanted to do. I’ve never known a different life to the one I am living. That is a very important thing to point out. While I can but imagine what other people go through in their lives, I can never know. So the best anyone can do is relate whatever it is to one off their past or present experiences.

I try to help people given my own past experience has been very unsocial really. When I was at university, of course, I was out most nights, if not to a club than just at the Student Union socializing. School was slightly harder. I went to my local Primary school and my friends all lived in this area. Secondary school was different. I went to a school in another county and it was harder to see my friends outside of school. It was hard which is why I’m very self-contained, if it’s my problem it’s MY problem, no one else has to worry about it. I think I am getting better at being more open, but it is a work still in progress.

I was raised to believe that being different was just part and parcel of the whole life experience. I’ve never had another life and to be honest I’m happy with the one I’ve been given. Sure, it is a little harder but I generally get respect for that. People don’t know the ins and outs of my life, and that’s a good thing I think. They don’t think it’s as boring as it really is! Respect is not automatically given to me. Sometimes I do have to earn it. Whether that comes from listening to someone, looking at something from another angle or whatever, I have become quite good at these things. Everybody wants to be heard. It’s as simple as that. Everybody has a voice which is hard to hear in the busy world we live in. Don’t lose faith in what is good in life. It will find you when the time is right. Is that just something I tell myself? I don’t know but it’s a good affirmation.

 I have come to terms with the fact that I might not be able to do some things as readily as other people. That is really important. For instance, I need rails both sides of the stairs to get up them and it takes me a little more time to climb a flight of stairs. Luckily in my house we do have rails both sides, because I used to live upstairs when my legs weren’t as bad, and that’s comforting to know that if and when I do need something I can get up there. But I don’t go up there without supervision, although that can be a trapping mechanism, I generally have everything I need on ground level. It’s just an adaption that comes so naturally to me now that I don’t really think about it.

I don’t know how I did it to be honest. I’d seen my brother go through it, so I thought it was just the way life went. I refuse to believe that I’m strong; I’ve just reacted in a positive way to the conditions this life has presented to me.

Hope this helped.

Steph

XxX

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 8

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 8

Ellie let her thoughts wander. She had just read the description of Melanie Harise’s perfect man who looked remarkably like Jamie Schwartz. Or maybe that was just her mind? It’s always good when you know what perfection looks like, to base it on. Melanie Harise is the character in The Lost One by J. M Barker. The basic premise for the book is the main character going through revelations and she only comes across “her perfect man” (Benjamin Diwoe) in the last chapter. Ellie finally closed the book and looked up at the clock on the wall. It was positioned on the wall directly opposite her desk, so from her unusual spot in the office she could only just make out that it was just coming up to 1.00pm.

Lunch time! To her surprise Jamie was behind her holding her coat out for her when she turned around. ‘Thank you. You’ve made quite an impression,’ she grinned up at Jamie. He chuckled.

 ‘Only offering what is necessary!’ Ellie melted at those words. She reminded herself to keep her composure. She followed Jamie to await the lift. Whilst there she took in his side profile. She saw the dimples she had admired whenever he smiled. They were even more prominent when he laughed which she had been witness to many times that morning. She made a note on her mental notepad to thank her lucky stars that this morning had happened. It was so sweet of him. He didn’t have to at all help her out. It was her lucky day when she caught that lift. She was smiling up at him but then she remembered the disappointment that will flush his face when he sees that Poppy is not on the same lunch break as them. Her smile turned into an anxious glance as he looked over at her. He gave her a puzzled expression in response and then the lift arrived. He walked into the lift. She rolled behind him and was quite relieved to find that they were the only two aboard.

His hand sneaked beneath hers after her brakes were on. That was a strange sensation for her. Because she was always active in her wheelchair (apart from sleeping etc.) she had never held anyone’s hand. It felt nice.

*Sorry I have not actually got to lunch yet. What do you want to see happen? Please let me know*

Steph

XxX

In The Light Of The Death Of Robin Williams

Strange expression to use...


It's so hard to comprehend even writing this but I will try my best...




I never thought this day would come as soon as it has. He was seriously depressed. But you wouldn't think that to see him or meet him. I never had the luxury of meeting him, but I've heard he was a bundle of energy to be around. I don't know how or why he got depressed but I know he put on a show for the outside world. Maybe the show wore him down in the end? He wore a brave face for the cameras, never really showing who he was inside. There are (or were) heartfelt moments in his screen attributes that everybody could relate to so it felt like you knew him. I know for me Mrs Doubtfire (that is the one and only film starring Robin Williams I have seen. But I will watch more in light of this news,) will go down as one of the greats of this era. The guy who made childhood complete is gone and we've just got to be strong through this painful time. It will be hard. Thoughts and prayers are with his loved ones.




He was such a talent and it is a huge blow to lose him but think of all the great things he has left us with. I mean, we can go back and see his face in countless movies, hear him and really relate to whatever character he is playing. I'm merely happy for my life because I ever knew a man like him existed. It's very hard saying everything in past tense because in stories your heroes live on forever.




R.I.P Robin Williams
As it was put by one of my great friends, Serra 'Today, we lost a national treasure. Rest in Peace Robin Williams. From alien to Nanny, we will never forget how much you made us laugh and how important you are to us. It saddens me to hear that our funny man has passed on due to depression. That's the thing with mental illness, sometimes the people who bring the most happiness to others, are in battle with their own demons.'






Steph






XxX

How To: Be Brave

Sometimes you need to praise yourself because no one else will. This can and will seem funny at first, but after a while it becomes a sub-conscious occurrence which is such a good idea. With this little change, your inner critic becomes your inner encourager when you’ve done something right. It’s not that no one else will congratulate you because of you, but because what they’re facing may be big and/or they might not notice what you do. You are noticed. I know it's hard to believe when you feel invisible. You may not realise how far you’ve come but it’s a long way. So please congratulate yourself today.

Sometimes, a little confirmation goes a long way. When someone who doesn't usually get your confirmation gets it - it makes them feel good and by putting a smile on someone else's face usually you are greeted by one on your own face.

It doesn't take much to be brave. You just have to be confident in your own skin. I know confidence is hard to come by these days. You've just not to compare yourself to other people. I used to be a prisoner of this myself but I have broken out of that pretence now. It's not good for you. It's not healthy and the climate we live in nowadays they want to poison us with their deadly toxins. But don't let them. Everybody has a different story that leads them to wherever they come into your life. Celebs are admired for many different reasons and they haven't risen to the heights they have in the same way. Everybody has a different backstory that's gotten them to where they are now. I think I just told myself that I was good enough how I am and I think friends really helped carve that idea into me. I guess I'd had enough of being in the background. It felt like a natural leap for me to take if leaping is a natural step to take.

I think I have a stubbornness to not involve other people in my problems. I'd much rather face up to it or deal with them on my own. Is that really selfish? Maybe I'm stubbornly believing that no one sees the world as I do. And that's true, but I think I have to be more open that others can help. And I am working on that, though it probably will take a while.

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 7

‘But you can’t…’ 

‘I can!!’  He swiftly cut her off with his cheeky retort. ‘I want to help . . . give me a break!’ He laughed. ‘Won’t your work miss you?’ Ellie tried this tactic. 

‘One or two days, they’ll cope,’ he told her matter of factly. 

Ellie didn’t have a clue what he did for a living, but was hoping to find out, especially if he preceded with this day in the way he had planned. If he was allowed. The next thing to do was to introduce him to her boss.

‘Tally, I’d like to introduce you to Jamie Schwartz, he wants to help out today, so I can have more time to read and help out,’ Ellie pursed her lips waiting for Tallulah’s reaction. 

‘Jamie huh?’ Tall eyed up the man standing in front of her. ‘Hmm, while I hope that you won’t make a habit out of this, the busy season is coming up so I do need you to get through serious numbers of books, so it is useful,’ Ellie sighed an inward sigh of relief, ‘Have you had any experience of being a secretary young man?’ Tall asked Jamie. ‘Yes, well I worked at Clarrentine, just making coffee and stuff,’ Jamie replied. 

‘Excellent! I’ll ring if I need you,’ Tall made her way into her office. Ellie followed her and spoke in a hushed voice, ‘I’m sorry he was here when I got here,’ Ellie told her. 

‘It’s fine, we can always use some eye candy up here, just don’t let it happen too often and don’t get too distracted,’ Tall laughed. Ellie was so glad Tall was in a good mood about this slight change in proceedings. Ellie settled herself down in the corner of the office and began reading. She pulled a brand new book out of her bag called How To Keep A Man and looked over at Jamie, who was relishing his new role. She sighed as she turned the pages that painted a picture of Jamie in her mind, which was the one she was seeing in real time. He really was as pretty as a picture. His blonde hair clean and spiked up, his cheekbones high and creased into a constant smile and his blue eyes bright and ready were almost too much. He was laughing on the phone on Ellie’s desk. Probably to Poppy. Ellie must remember that was the only reason he was here. 

How To: Stop Doubting Yourself

You don't think you're what people want? Oh, that feelings so familiar. You think you're not what they need, and you could be totally right, but as the saying goes: don't judge a book by it's cover. What if people don't know what they want until you give it to them? What if they don't know what you have to offer because they've never been offered that before? You need to start believing in yourself (it's true, you need to start that before anything) because unless you believe in what you do, how is anyone else supposed to? 

Who are you trying to impress? Everyone, I know the feeling. Once you learn that the only one you really need to impress is yourself, you'll be happier. And that's true of everything. Be happy for you. Do something right for you, not for someone else. Imagine yourself in the position of a customer if that is what your job entails, and do the best job you can do as you would for yourself if you were in their shoes. 

Don't worry if or indeed when things go wrong. Life will mess up, it won't give you what you want but there will always be a deeper reason. Either you need to ask for help or the timing isn't right. I let some things get me down last week - and that's Ok - when you do that it's best to just go with them rather than let them eat you up on the inside - but the minute I started smilinng again and recognising the little things in my life that make me lucky to be who I am I felt calmer and a lot happier. And then I put my thoughts in the right order. The right time will come. However hard it is to convince yourself of that, I implore you to because everything will or has had it's moment in the sun and I know it's so hard to let things go but I just think: If it's not doing me, my family or friends any good anymore then why am I holding it? Like a scrunched up piece of paper that is superglued to your palm - it may hurt for a while but you need to just let it go.

 All these thoughts from your critical/pessimistic side of your brain are not helping you if you let it have full control. Unfortunately we do not have an off or mute button for this part of evolution but we can make it quieter. And it is good sometimes. Like I took off and redid my mascara today 3 times because I was recording a video and it wasn't even - but other than that I  hardly listen to it anymore. Don't let that side of your brain rule over your life. I know it's hard to shed some positive light when everything in your life feels like a drag - but just keep yourself busy - set up a blog or volunteer somewhere - just keep going because something will come around. Sadly in life, it is unpredictible when this will happen, but if you give it a chance I'm sure life has something amazing set for your future. You've just got to get there. 

It is tiring and frustrating but please have some faith in life. Everything happens for a reason. Example - I haven't been able to get out of my house since last summer when I graduated  (I can get out, it's just I always need someone with me) but that has been good for me. Although I didn't think it at the time, I have been able to help you wonderful people and I don't know if I was ready for the outside world before but having gotten to know myself fully - I now feel more prepared and possibly stronger for all the time that I have waited. 

Thanks for reading, 

Steph

XxX