'Sky' & Merry Christmas!

Now, first off let me apologise for the lack of Motivational Monday's lately. They will be running again in the New Year, I hope you can bear with me!

Here is a short piece of writing I'm working on called 'Sky' and I hope you enjoy it.

'Now. Now. Now!' Tabitha cried in delight.
'Oh you win Tab,' Tabitha's older brother Thomas replied.
She'd been bugging him all day to see the fireworks.
'But if they go into the sky, then where do they go?' It had been hard for Tab to understand. She's only little, was the excuse Thomas gave. But it was a real problem to Tab's mind. They can't just go anywhere, she supposed. She wondered if there was a big net set up for these occasions to catch the 'dead' fireworks in. She guessed there must be.
Thomas took her hand and walked her over to the park. He was wearing gloves, a scarf and his big black jacket to keep the winds at bay. He kept looking up as if expecting something so Tab did too. Then there was a count down. '5...4...3...2....1!'
The sounds of the fireworks ripped into the air. There were loud bangs, a few low teaser sparklers and some that just coloured the air without sound at all. 'But where do they go? After all this, where do the fireworks go?' Tab asked loudly, still unable to wrap her head around the idea.
'They're magic. And the fact that we walk around all day outside or inside means we share that magic! So just be sure you're doing what you should be and I'm sure the magic from the fireworks will keep working!' Mr Bayliss told Tab. Mr Bayliss was Thomas's teacher from school.

Have an amazing Christmas and a really good start to 2018! Wow, see you there!

Steph

XxX

Book Review: Some Kind Of Wonderful by Giovanna Fletcher

It was a terrific read!

'When the love of your life says you're not The One, who are you?

Lizzy and Ian have been a couple since their first week of university. Now, after celebrating a decade together, everyone thinks they're about to get engaged. 

Instead, a romantic escape to Dubai leaves Lizzy with no ring, no fiance and no future. 

Lizzy is heartbroken - but through the tears, she sees an opportunity. This is her moment to discover what she's been missing while playing Ian's ideal 'better half'. 

But how much has Ian changed her, and who should she be without him?

Determined to discover who she is at heart, Lizzy sets out to rediscover the girl she was before, and, in the meantime, have a little fun...'

It was just fabulous. I love Giovanna's style! You were at one with the character, feeling everything with her. Moving on can be the hardest thing in life, especially if you're holding onto those things that made it special.

Just letting go is easier said than done but realising that you don't have to put up with the stress that holding on entails is what it's taught me. Yes, it might suck right now, but things can only get better the more you move forward with your life.

Steph

XxX

Life Goes On

When a catastrophe has hit your life it is hard to remember that the world is still spinning outside your little bubble.

You can get caught up in  the small things that you forget or lose sight of the bigger picture.

'The sea still moves, its waves crashing into shore. The mosquitoes still hum, the air still breathes.' (Pg 47, Some Kind  Of Wonderful, Giovanna Fletcher.)

This idea that life still goes on without you. I think this is or can be a hard idea to fathom.

But I also look at it as a refreshing idea.

Life doesn't just stop because you're going through a hard time.

Though I'm sure many people wish it could or would, I can assure you that when things return to normal (as they often do) you'll be so glad that you didn't give up.

There's so much life yet to live.

Thank you for reading and I hope it's helped.

Steph

XxX

Make A Wish: My First Day

It was incredible.

A really kind genuine vibe they have in the office!

The team make everything so warm and easily accessible to me so I had no worries.

They were so welcoming.

They couldn't do enough for me, checking that I was OK and that I was good with the tasks they set me.

So at first I was putting badges into bags and then in the afternoon I got to do admin stuff which I am very familiar with.

It really is a fun, inspiring place to work and I can't wait for more!

Star-struck!

It was absolutely out of this world to meet Giovanna Fletcher.

She is such an inspiration to me and has a beautiful mind.

It's mind-blowing when I look at all the books she has written that are displayed so proudly in my room.

I am in total awe of her and her talent.

There's an air of possibility around her which made it amazing to be in her presence.

I don't know how she finds time to do what she does with two young boys at home.

It was 'Some Kind Of Wonderful' to meet her and I can't wait to start reading the book.

I am saving it as at the moment I have got to finish my library book but I am looking forward to starting 'Some Kind Of Wonderful' immensely.

Steph

XxX

Mind = Canvas

I had an idea of what to put in this blog - that your mind is canvas that gets wiped clean in the night.

Now you can put whatever you like on there. Which is why putting positive thoughts in your head is so necessary. And making having fun for yourself is so important. As we did when I was at a photo shoot recently.

It was such a buzz, I had a brilliant day and met some really awesome people.

It was my first time at a shoot.

And even though it was really cold, just the fact that we were all working together towards the same goal felt so good it was like wearing a warm cloak.

We were  all enjoying to make the event work and the energy was summoned from within us, butt it came out and hopefully they show in the photos!

It was a library shoot, so I'm not sure where, or even if, the pictures will be used if ever, but it was a fantastic experience to work so closely with other people who were all so positive.

It was a fabulous day and I look forward to doing it again. I will keep you posted.

Rolex

Your mind is a Rolex. There are so many things that can be going on and require your thought.

It is  also in the sense that it never stops.

Like the stars in the sky that never stop burning, it is only daylight that causes them not to be visible during the day.

The mind can be easily distracted from what has to be done.

It's like if you have one email to send but a million things seem to trump that one email. Isn't that the way?

Putting off things won't stop tomorrow coming, it will only put you behind in your plans.

This is a message to myself, it isn't an email I've been putting off but writing in general once again.

Other things do come up and reading is very important in my chosen pursuit, but it's very important to hone my craft.

Hopefully writing reminders such as these will actualise me to get cracking with ideas.

Steph

XxX

Future

I'm beginning to make plans for the future again.

 For a while, I was off the map - I had no idea where my direction was going!

Although I still don't, I have a brighter premonition now.

Don't worry, there's nothing anyone could have done for me, it was something I had to find on my own.

And now I feel more ready for whatever is coming my way.

I'm feeling more excited about possible prospects in my future. 

Steph

XxX

Ideas

The thing I've found about ideas is that writing them down is so beneficial.

Actually having them down on paper instead of trapped in you r head is so freeing.

I'd had an idea for a story for quite a while and I kept thinking about it but not actually writing it.

I am proud of myself today because I started writing it.

It's still preliminary and I don't know where it will lead in story terms but I am pretty excited by it.

Anything is possible.

I was sick of writing notes for the story.

Let's get down to writing it.

But I was scared.

I was thinking this was a massive idea.

I took a deep breath today, got my notes out and started writing.

Now I have a lot more space in my mind for other probably useless things that I'll pick up.

Thank you for reading

Steph

XxX

I've been thinking...

My life has been in disarray for quite a while and I don't know what I want from life anymore. I've always stuck to I want to help people. But in what way I've yet to discover. It's infuriating. I've always been scared of big ideas. But now I'm finding the power to let go and just write them as they are in my mind. Don't ever be afraid of an idea, no matter how big it is. And even if you think you can't accomplish it, just try because you never know. I'm going to tell myself this daily and see how I go. Ideas are there to be taken, and you've got to take them while you can.

I need to focus my life again. I don't know where to begin though. I love writing. I need to get that back in my life, make time for it. I've been quite literally dwindling from one thing to another. And I want to get back to writing lyrics too. I haven't been setting aside time to write anything and don't get me wrong, it's been lovely to read and lose myself in the characters but the book I'm reading right now is really hard hitting and I feel like I need a break. A way to re-find myself anyway. I think I lost myself somewhere and it's time to get back to being me.

I hope this rambling makes sense. I need to make this happen. For me.

Steph

XxX

The Girl Before by JG Delanely - Book Review

The Girl Before is an utterly stunning debut by this author.

Enter the world of One Folgate Street and discover perfection...but can you pay the price? 

Jane stumbles on the rental opportunity of a life-time: the chance to live in the ultras minimalist house designed by an enigmatic architect, on the condition that she abides by a long list of exacting rules. After moving in, she discovers that a previous tentant, Emma, met a mysterious death there - and starts to wonder if her own story will be a re-run of the girl before. As twist after twist catches the reader off guard, Emma's past and Jane's present become inexorably entwined in this tense, page-turning portrayal of a psychological obsession.

It was an absolute compulsive read. It is phenomenally written. I would highly recommend this book if you like a bit of a thriller. It does that job superbly!!

Steph

XxX

Gliding!

Last week I went gliding!

 It honestly felt surreal.

To be flying through the air on nothing but wind power honestly felt strange!

 I honestly thought it would be quite bumpy, however I had a very excellent pilot in the seat behind me who did all the manoeuvring onto air currents to keep us in the air.

The warmer the air the longer we had up there.

I was first in the glider so didn't know what to expect!

I was strapped into a parachute and moments later we took off.

And when you go up it's at speed.

It's almost vertical the way you take off.

We were attached to a winch which makes a loud bang as you are released from it.

And then you are coming back down gently and  slowly.

Honestly to see London like that was amazing.

It was a Kent air field. Kenley.

I was there with a charity called Sportability. Sportability ( www.sportability.org.uk ) is such a good charity.

Their credo is:  To take the ‘dis’ out of disability; focus on ability; inspiring the thought, “If I can do this, what else can I achieve?” 

It was my first time at an event of theirs and I hope to be doing many more in the future. 

Not to mention all the fantastic people I met! 

Steph

XxX

How You See...

'What's a weed to one person might be a beautiful flower to another.' (The Trouble With Goats And Sheep, Joanna Cannon.)

I love the way writers use plants to signify the troubles in society.

As 'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet' by William Shakespeare also symbolises.

It's about how we look at something, as later demonstrated in the speech by the character of Eric Lamb in The Trouble With Goats And Sheep by Joanna Cannon.

How you see something can be completely different to how someone else sees it.

How do you know the shade of the sky through someone else's eyes?

You don't.

You're just trusting that they see what you do because that's the way it is.

It's never certain.

And thankfully, we are all different.

Someone may come and see something through a whole new way that someone else has never considered before.

So while it may seem like the most practical thing in the world never be afraid to suggest something if you see someone going through a hardship.

We often overlook the most obvious things because we are looking for meaning, to save time or both.

Steph

XxX

Aquariums

'Lights fizz and tick, and aquariums of people look out into the night.'

This is a quote from 'The Trouble With Goats And Sheep' by Joanna Cannon.

I think it's a lovely expression. Everything that happens to someone has to go through their perspective.

Aquariums of lives.

Everybody has things going on so can only view things from their aquarium. Or their perspective.

I love finding analogies that you can imagine and see.

People don't view everything in the same way. It's through their aquarium.

Everyonesd has issues going on under the surface or worries that paint their world a particular shade.

That makes you human.

Steph

XxX

'The Girl Of Ink And Stars by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

 Kiran Millwood Hargrave

'Forbidden to leave her island, Isabella dreams of the faraway lands her cartographer father once mapped. When her friend disappears, she volunteers to guide the search. The world beyond the walls is a monster-filled wasteland - and beneath the dry rivers and smoking mountains, a fire demon is stirring from its sleep. Soon, following her map, her heart and an ancient myth, Isabella discovers the true end of her journey: to save the island itself.'

I read this book on the recommendation of Carrie Hope Fletcher. I loved it! It made me feel like anything was possible. Books that do that are rare and far between. It really kept me reading, racing away the pages. After chapter 1, I thought this is exciting this is going to be a murder mystery! Then it transformed into an adventure book. It was a really fun and quick read. Well worth it.

Let me know if any of you pick it up and share your reviews below. I  love reading and finding a book I can really get into so if you have any recommendations I would love to hear them.

Steph

XxX

P.s. you wouldn't have to write about it if you don't want to. Just a title and an author. But if you could give a little background that'd be immensely helpful! Thank you for reading!

The Widow by Fiona Barton - Book Review

Wow!

'We've all seen him: the man - the monster - staring from the front page of every newspaper, accused of a terrible crime. 

But what about her: the woman who grips his arm on the courtroom stairs - the wife who stands by him? 

Jean Taylor's life was blissfully ordinary. Nice house, nice husband. Glen was all she'd ever wanted: her Prince Charming. But then he became that monster on the front page, a man everyone thought capable of unimaginable evil.

Now Glen is dead and she's alone for the first time, free to tell her story on her own terms. Jean Taylor is going to tell us what she knows.'

It is an intriguing story.It really keeps going to the very last page. You get plunged into the widow's life. You don't know where you are and you're alone. The truth is tripping off your tongue, bit by bit you start to piece it together. You're just immersed in this world where little makes sense, until the end of the story.

All that is needed is a name.

Steph

XxX

Center PARC's in Woburn!

I was on holiday at Center PARC's in Woburn last week and it was so incredible.

Especially for me.

 Because disability wasn't seen as an inconvenience.

The staff were so good and really helped.

I went with my family (there are a lot of us in my immediate family) and my uncle's family which was amazing.

The fact disability was not an issue was especially made prominent by: going swimming.

Now, at my local swimming I get hoisted into the water. They didn't have a hoist at Woburn. Instead, they had a gradual slope which descended into the water.

Beforehand, in the changing rooms I got out of the borrowed scooter that I was using (which was incredible - to have my own freedom around the park was just awesome!) and transferred iinto one of the wet wheelchair's provided.

Then my brother and I were pushed into the swimming pool! It was really incredible. Understandably, we were warned by the lovely lifeguard's before the wave machine started each time and given time to get out of the pool. It was joked that it looked like something out of James Bond whenever we vacated the pool because the chairs were beneath us in the water! Though my brother and I floated above them when in deep enough water because we were wearing floats.

I cannot praise the thought and effort of the staff at Woburn enough. The design of the place was really good too. There were ramps to everything and everything was accessible. It was so good and we had an adapted villa in the middle of everything!

Steph

XxX

IFly Review!

Sorry I haven't written for a while. Things have just been crazy here!

You know the one. When everything's happening you have no time yet when nothing's happening you have all the time in the world. Or it feels like it. I will make effort to post every Wednesday as I attempt to do. I've not been that good  at it but I do promise to try!

Sorry!

Last Friday I went out with someone I'm employing as my PA who's awesome. It was an amazing night and one that I hope will continue!

On Tuesday I went to IFly in Basingstoke which is just phenomenal. They really do cater for everyone - people in wheelchairs included. It was so freeing and so incredible.

I was a little nervous and apprehensive in the morning - wondering how it was going to play out.

I soon realised.

We all got into a blue all in one suit

Two guys came in with us to the wind tunnel. They were strong and muscular.

They wheeled us in our wheelchairs right to the bench that we had to wait on until our turn.

I was 2nd in line!

It just felt incredible in the air and it was all too soon that one came back to reality.

But it was super and we went up to the top of  the wind tunnel and I never wanted to come back down!

If it's affirmed anything for me, it's how much I'd love to do a real skydive and I will definitely be going again for this experience.

Steph

XxX

The Aurora

On Friday I was in Southampton on a tour of one of a P&O cruise ship, the Aurora. It was brilliant! We had a 3 course meal on there too!  That evening they were setting off on a Western Mediterranean cruise which meant that people were boarding while we were on the ship which was lovely. So it was lively, at lunch anyway! But the ship is so good for wheelchairs, though pushing myself on the thick carpet was strenuous at times and I was really glad to wheel quite harmoniously on the deck!

It was a brilliant idea to go on a tour of a Cruise Ship and one that is owed to Lucy Brown at Disability Initiative who organised the trip. Not forgetting those who came with us who made it a really joyful and interesting event for us to attend. Facilities did cater for disabled people very well, as there were lifts to each floor. The only places with steep ramps were getting into the cinema and the theatre. Other than that, everywhere was flat and very accessible.

We saw the gym, the spa, the theatre, the cinema, shops and of course all the food outlets. Someone I was with made the fair point that with so many eateries you could very easily put on weight. This is true, without a structure to your day you could very easily. But the beauty of a cruise is that you are not in the same place for more than a few days at most, and you are always moving or doing something.

Steph

XxX

Things Take Time

Sorry I've been rubbish at this! I will try to do this every Wednesday from now on - unforeseen circumstances have been in the way recently - it's nice to get back to a bit of normality!

Things taking time is a difficult balancing act.

Particularly when you're a go-getter like me!

But after something happening you've got to take a few days to let life cool down. Let it recover. And it can feel like nothing's happening in your life but things are. Things often work behind the scenes - and just because you can't see it right now doesn't mean it isn't. You can't be out all the time, though you wish you could because you're not as young as you used to be, you don't have the same mentality as you did at uni, you get tired, so very tired and you're not used to it anymore.

And things DO change. Subtly every day. You won't even notice it. This is evident particularly when you have a baby in the family. As I do, and she is changing every day at the moment. Learning new things and finding out things about yourself is a constant and can constantly change. It might take time to see how everything has changed but the time will come. And it is fascinating to me that things are always happening, so no moment is the same and no matter what you think, change is coming. Often time it comes later rather than sooner, but it is possible.

Remember: YOU are in control of your life, so if you want something to happen you have to organise it and make it happen.

Like last week, I went swimming and floated for the first time which I'm really proud of. That is enough to take all the energy out of anyone. But then, I went to a wedding reception in the evening of the same day. It was amazing and I was so thrilled to be celebrating the wedding. That was a pretty action packed day! I loved that but I realise that I have to slow down! Or don't do too much during a day! But at least I know I can do this when needs must.

Steph

XxX

Doing things

I've noticed that just getting on with things makes it go quicker.

So I don't put things off. If I can help it.

If it's just me in a situation I'd rather not wait.

When sorting out clothes as I have in the past week (my summer wardrobe is back!) although my arm hurt me by lifting it to put hangers on the rails, I was uplifted by the colours that are re-emerging in my wardrobe!

It's so lovely, just looking over at the clothes!

I took off the doors on my wardrobe last year because there was too much weight in there and having the doors too, meant I couldn't see what I had in terms of clothing.

Steph

XxX

Situations

Everyone is going through situations. And they are all different.

'It seemed not so much distant as unreal.'

That defines a situation that is happening yet you are not involved in it.

It is a quote from 'Where My Heart Used To Beat' by Sebastian Faulks.

It is hard when you are not involved, to have an opinion of the situation, as you don't know everything. That's why I don't think judgements are good to make on first appearances.

Everyone has different reasons for decisions that they make.

And every situation is so different.

What occurs to anyone else you don't have a clue.

Try not to judge.

Situations are so different to everybody and depend on your perspective.

Steph

XxX

Where I Am

I haven’t been doing this for a while and I have missed it.

I haven’t been in the right kind of headspace for a while – so apologies for the month of no videos.

A lot has been going on – both personally and in regards to my family.

I have been given more to do in regards of work and so I have to prioritise.

I will try to keep my blog on Wednesday up but it may not always be in my control. 

Steph

XxX

I wonder...

It is fascinating to sit outside
Where i wonder at things
All the great thinkers; past or present
philosophers, authors, scientists,
Take your pick; we all live under the same sky.

I find this mind-boggling. I find it really quite powerful to think of.

Steph

XxX

Life is undiluted

Life is undiluted. I've always liked this idea! How else would we grow if it was diluted? And who knows what the perfect, diluted situation would be in your life? I think even in a 'perfect' world we'd be waiting for it all to go wrong. Because you can't dilute reality.

We need bad stuff to happen alongside good stuff because how would we appreciate the good stuff if bad stuff didn't occur? It's all a balance and, though it's rreally hard when you're teetering on the edge of it all going wrong, things do change and get better.

Everything we do reacts with something else. My mind has to react with my hand to write this!

Review of LA LA Land

LA LA Land was incredible. It was really uplifting. It's a musical love story that ends up taking two different routes and I guess the viewer gets to decide the one Emma Stone follows. It just made me feel happy inside. The opening sequence is funny and just what you want to happen. You'd like to be able to do that. I would anyway! While some of the singing was a bit pitchy and random, I think the film needs to be taken for what it is - a feel-good film that is designed to make you feel good.

That's What I Love - stream of coinciousness

How many times have I dreamt about this? Sleeping under a bouquet of stars! They're so beautiful. Really stunning tonight. I focus on one - I don't know it's particular name, just decide it's a lucky one. It's towards the west so it's one of the last lights before the sun overrules them. It's always glorious watching the sun rise. And just that excites me as I have no idea what the day may have in store.
There are so many things that could happen. I could meet someone new, I could try a new taste and really enjoy it or stick to what I know. There are so many possibilities and no matter what I do, I won't be letting myself down. That's what I love. I'd much rather be doing something than sitting back. Sitting back entails thoughts of 'Wish I could' and anyone who knows me knows that I am a doer. I'd much rather be, than have regrets of not doing anything.

*Hey! I hope you liked that! I've been awful at posting things lately! Just had a lot going on!

Steph

XxX

Brazen

I have started writing again! I'd just gotten so busy with work and trying to manage everything else in my life, that I just had no time left over. Creative writing that is. I do miss the time I used to be able to write article after article for a happiness blog which I used to) and write something inspirational (?) on here and still write creatively. Now I'm able to write creatively again, I feel hopeful that I can get back to writing how I used to. I also remembered something I learnt at uni. That 5 word sentences (or less) pack more of a punch. So, here we go my probably sixth attempt at trying to write this one scene called 'Brazen':

'I can't believe you,' he hissed as she held the knife over his defenceless body.
'Well, you'd better start!' she yelled back at him. How had it come to this? One second. That's all it would take.
'Get up!' she kicked his motionless legs. 'Tell me I'm crazy, tell me I'm insane!' she demanded in a voice that wasn't her own. It was much fiercer, more brazen. She didn't believe herself capable. 'Tell me anything,' she pleaded as tears stung her eyes.

Steph

XxX

Yes You Are

V1:
Keep on shining like a star
Everyone's gonna know who you are
Cos you never gave up
When the going got tough
Keep on lighting up the dark

Chorus:
Cos you are yes you are incredible
Cos you are yes you are so beautiful
Don't you ever stop believing it's true
Cos you are yes you are amazing you

V2:
Keep on plugging away at life
Amaze people before their eyes
Cos you never gave in
When against the world you were struggling
I'm just praying that you realise
(Repeat Chorus)
M8:
Cos you are don't try to deny
The truth it's written in your eyes
You are worth so much
Don't just give it away for another's touch
Cos you are worth so much more
And you're so God damn beautiful
*Repeat Chorus).

Copyright © 2017 Stephanie Carfrae. All Rights Reserved.

*Hope this has made you feel uplifted! Like you should.*

Steph

XxX

Car wash!

I've been feeling uneasy this week. And it's been my own stupid fault - I take full responsibility for it.

I was out with a friend on Sunday and we had had lunch when he decided to put his car through a car wash. I'd never been in a car wash before I felt invigorated!

I sat there and felt like my mind had had its own wash! I felt all my negative thoughts disappear so it was really beneficial for me. It was as if a weight had been lifted. It was a great day and really helped me to process and think straight.

Steph

XxX

Change!

Happy new year!
I've had a haircut so I feel more like me now! No more stragley ends! It's more manageable for me now. It is great to feel the wind on the back of my neck again!

Changes come in all shapes and sizes and even a simple change like mine can make you feel more in control of your life.
2017 is going to be an amazing year for me. I can feel it.

Steph

XxX