Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 35

It's been about a month since Jamie's disappearing and no contact act. Ellie has been getting on with her life and luckily it has been so busy she hasn't had time to think about Jamie so ignoring him has come with ease. He is contacting her at least once weekly. He was discussing her work with her and hadn't mentioned Kate's death to her. He knew he'd have to but it was more of a face to face conversation. Somehow he dwindled the conversation to meeting up at the bar at 7.00pm on a Friday night. Ellie had the whole weekend ahead of her to get lost in her stories so it seemed opportune time. Jamie knew it was only fair to drop one bombshell at a time so tonight he'd tell her about Kate and at their next meet up would reveal his feelings for her. If he revealed Kate's death after he would look like he was hiding things. He didn't want to do that. Not before he had to in any case! He didn't want this to be an over-riding factor before their relationship even left the marks.

Ellie got to the bar promptly. She expected Jamie to be late but as she made her way into the bar she realised he was already there with the usual drinks sitting in front of him. He didn't even see her for a few moments. She pulled up into the table before he noticed her. 'Hi,' she said tentively. He put his hands on top of hers. She looked in his eyes. Her fear was evident on her face.

'El, you know I was away for a few days about 4 weeks ago?'Ellie nods. 'And I went to a place with no signal, so I could think?'

'I didn't know that's why you did it...' she murmured.

'Well, my boss Kate, the woman you walked on in with me she....died,' he said his voice getting lower with every syllable.
'Oh God,' Ellie said and stared into the glass of her drink that she hadn't yet touched. Ellie thought of how selfish she'd been. Thinking it was all because of her. There are bigger things that happen in life. She needed to get that into her head. She wasn't all that went on in his life, as much as she wished life could be that simple she knew it wasn't. There were a million things that went on at once which most of the time worked well together but sometimes gave catastrophic consequences like that. She had been so wrapped up in her own head that the fact that other things went on in his peripheral vision didn't even cross her mind. She picked up her glass and slugged down about half in one gulp. She didn't know what to say. That explains a lot. He'd been distant since the first few days of January which must have been when he found out. She asked just so she could confirm it to herself. She drank the rest of her drink in silence and then left to get back to her books. Jamie was left on his own. Jamie got up and went to the pub nearest to his work where he fround Max drinking himself into oblivion. He stayed, keeping his company until the early hours and made sure he got home.

Steph

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How To Admit You're Wrong

When we get wrapped up in our own head; we often think things will turn out worse than they do in reality. Most people won't react as badly as we make out in our head. I personally believe our brain's are wired cynically and to override them with positivity is a massive achievement. But you do have to work hard at it. It can take years to change your thought pattern.



Even now, I was reluctant to admit a problem that I had to my mother and very reluctant to admit that I'd fallen over just that morning when my physio came to see me. I thought I'd never hear the end of it if I admitted that. I was scared of getting told off. That's a big hurdle to make it pastSo when eventually I admitted it and it wasn't as bad as I had expected.Because situations like these arise all the time, but by admitting it I found that they had my best interests at heart, were worried about my safety rather than shouting at me. I was aware of what I'd done wrong - taking too bigger a step - which I learnt from.


And maybe that's the bit that people don't like. Not just admitting they were wrong, but admitting why they were wrong. And I don't understand this.



Admitting you're wrong is hard and there's no easy way around that. But admitting why you were wrong helps you grow as a person and helps next time you try to accomplish whatever it is that you are doing. It is overcoming your pride and this can be embarassing. You won't neccessarily want to admit it out loud but it'll help you grow and flourish.



Some people can't see why and where they go wrong, and if you point it out you'll probably get your head bitten off. This is something that people have to work out for themselves, however long that takes.

Everyone makes mistakes but it how you deal with it, learning from it and owning up when you are wrong. Nothing is ever a failure if it teaches you something.

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 34

Jamie got up. He had decided last night that he needed to get away - possibly to somewhere with no phone signal - he had checked with work yesterday and he was due some holiday anyway. So he decided to pack his bag and head up to Scarborough. He knew it was a lovely part of the world and hopefully being there would sort out his head. He still felt guilty about Kate and didn't know where to place himself with regards to Ellie. She was always eager to meet up but perhaps she was just a really good friend. He couldn't tell. 

He'd packed the night before and just had to use the necessities before packing them. Toothbrush, hairbrush and get into his clothes today and he was all set! He carried these out in pretty quick succession and was ready to go by 6.00am. He left a note for Jeff as he didn't relish the idea of waking him up. No one knew where he was going. Not even work. He'd just been signed off for a few days. 

If Max had known, he'd wonder why and in all truthfulness Jamie only decided on Scarborough the previous night. He knew he had to get away. Kate's funeral had been really tough for him to get through. He had bitten his knuckles until they were red raw. Luckily he hadn't been asked to speak. Seeing the grief-stricken Max was enough though. 

Jamie had a long drive ahead of him. But it would be worth it, to go to a place where he could sort his head out. It'd be so good for him, he'd be uncontactable for a few days and he liked that. He needed time to think. About his job, about his life in general and about Ellie. Who knew what could happen tomorrow? That had been brought home to him by Kate's sudden demise and he didn't want to wait anymore. He knew what he wanted. He'd rather tell her now than risk it being too late or the feelings going away. But he'd get his head straight first. 

Steph

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How To: Be Successful

To be successful in life you need to investigate possibilites and be brave enough to try new things. You have to have an open mind. You cannot and should not automatically dimiss something or assume that it will go wrong. Negativity can be catching and it is so very often out of fear. Fear can numb our minds and put us into lockdown mode. It makes us scared to take chances but no one ever gets anywhere by not taking them. 

'No matter what your definition of success, you cannot succeed without first trying.' (Anonymous). This is so true; trying new things is not a bad thing. Again this drifts back to one of my core beliefs, if you never try you'll never know! 

And so what if it doesn't work out? Yes you will lose time, effort and possibly money but at least you will know what route not to take. And even if you think that this will turn out to be the case, it's no reason for a half hearted attempt. If you do only give it a half-hearted attempt to something, you'll find yourself wondering what could have happened if you put 100% in. Maybe not now, not tomorrow but at some point in the future. To put future wonderings to bed you need to give your attempt at something new your full attention, put your heart and soul into it because you never know where it could lead. 

Being successful is letting go of what the world, society thinks of you and doing something because you love it. It's all about taking chances. 

If no one took risks do you think anyone would have what they do today? Taking risks or chances or whatever you want to call them is what keeps the world spinning around. If everyone stayed safe, you probably wouldn't be reading this right now. I wouldn't have the pen that I was writing this with, wouldn't have the paper, wouldn't have the internet to publish this on. So when you do get offered or see a chance DO take it because you never know. The world is full of possibilities - it's your job to grab them! 

Hope this helps someone! 

Steph

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Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 33

Ellie closed her eyes. She couldn’t handle strangers’ torturous stares today. It was the end the day and she was running low on energy. She had been reading a couple of good stories lately, that made forgetting about the no contact from Jamie a little easier. Getting enveloped into an unreal world was always good when you want to forget something. Ellie was good at imagining herself in a character and believing that the things that were going on in her life were happening to someone else. To get so lost in a book is dangerous but she really needed it. And looking at the issues facing her from a distance she could see how petty it was. A guy not replying to a text wasn’t the end of the world; she just had to continue with her life without him, which she was having to do anyway, he’d get back to her when he could, when maybe his head was in a better place. She had no idea what was happening in Jamie’s life at the moment. She had no right to badger him to get back to her. He would when he wanted to and no sooner. 

*Sorry it's so short! I really need Your help though. What do you want to see in future parts? Let me know below or in a comment on facebook:https://www.facebook.com/TheHelpfulPebble 

Steph

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How To Deal With The Unspeakable

Everyone I've had a crush on I have gotten over pretty quickly. Of course it felt like forever when I was in the situations but they didn't. Looking back at them now I laugh. What was I thinking, most of the time. I've written a list of the names I remember. There were about 14 throughout my school years, (can you believe it!!) and about 14 at university. At least I was even and fair at both establishments! Looking at the names in order I'm often astounded how I went to fancying one guy to another. Either because they looked so different or again it's a 'what was I thinking' moment.When I was at school I used to get emails every day from a boy who really didn't like me but kept replying! It was fun for the three years that it lasted.

I was single throughout my teenage years. That affected my character for years. I doubted I was good looking or worth it. I remember being told by my sister when I was just starting secondary school that I’d have guys queuing up to be with me, which wasn’t true as I soon realised. I felt there was obviously something wrong with me and I have been harbouring this belief for years. I felt like a disappointment not only to my heart, but to everyone I knew. I went to university when I was 18 and I thought things might change. But nothing changed. It just reinforced the belief that there was something wrong with me. I connected with boys – I had 2 male best friends at secondary school and countless male friends at university but nobody wanted to take a chance with me. 

It affected my confidence massively. But being alone for so long has made me realise that if I don’t believe it of myself how is anybody else supposed to believe in me? This was quite brave of me to share, as it is putting myself out there publicly but I thought you deserved to know that I had and have these anxeties too. 

I have the added pressure of worrying the person I like sees the wheelchair before me. I actually asked this of a boy I did have a crush on in sixth form and he said, ‘You of course!’ but then as a back comment to his friends said ‘Well, I didn’t want to be rude!’ It’s a hard pill to swallow. I just have to believe that the guys in my past haven’t been strong enough to see me first. I know my disability will play a massive part in whatever relationships I do have, but I hope it won’t impact everything. I am independent. I don’t need anybody to do anything for me – so I am quite lucky in that regard. But I fear that’s what people expect. My disability is of secondary importance. Get to know me and hey your opinion might change. 

So because I know this affects everyone, girls in particular but boys also and it is hard to discuss with people closest to you (be they parents or collegues) I encourage you to share your stories with me in the comments. And you can use initials or a code-name, for instance I had a crush on T (the inital is totally unrelated to his name) but no one knew who that was. 

I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to be yourself and find someone strong enough to look past imperfections - real or imagined! = and see the real you!

Steph

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Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 32

Jamie walked out of Max's office. He couldn't stop himself wondering if the demise of Kate had been his fault. Maybe if he had loved her, touched her in the places she had wanted him to maybe she'd still be alive. He couldn't and wouldn't tell Max that she offered herself up to him. Max had told him that their relationship was on rocky waters at the time, and Jamie didn't see any reason to upset Max with the news of his girlfriend's want of Jamie. He didn't even know back then that the couple were dealing with issues and just thought she was playing. He never once thought of trying to seduce her and thought the case was the same vice versa. But because he was determined not to tell Max, he was doomed into a state of wondering. Maybe if Ellie hadn't turned up when she had . . .

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He'd look and reply to it later. He went to his office, he had to phone a company about possibly sponsoring a charity event. His mind was far from Ellie at Kerplzz as he spoke to a girl called Nancy at the company he was hoping to secure a sponsor from. He chatted with her for a long while. It was fun chatting to her. He had a real rapport with her. When he clocked off at 6.00pm that evening, he caught Max on his way out of the building.

'Where you off to then?' Jamie asked in a jovial tone.

'I was going for a drink, join me if you want,' Max told him. Jamie thought he'd better go to keep an eye on the nearly-widowed man. That's how it felt anyway. Just to keep watch. That's the excuse Jamie clutched to when he got back to his apartment that night. Max had drunk him under the table, but he still had a few. Max wasn't coping very well with Kate's death. It was understandable. Jamie still kept his secret though. Whatever happened, Max did not have to know that Kate had come to Jamie perhaps to seek refuge.

I have no idea where this story is going, so if you could help me out I would really appreciate it!

Steph

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How To Deal With It When Good Things Come To An End

Wake up thinking that it will be a good day and it will more than likely will be. Your thoughts are so powerful.

I put it to people to finish this line: Good things come to an end because...

All opinions ventured in my post are valid. Leave yours in the comments below and I may do this again with another topic because it is thought-provoking.

The first response I got I agree with wholeheartedly. 'Good things come to an end because if they didn't they wouldn't be 'good' things, they's be things we expect. It's all about appreciation.' Jade Tullett. I agree with that. I think we don't appreciate things enough when they are there, only when they are gone. Which is a massive shame. I don't know if it's because of the way we are brought up in this culture, because in other cultures, though we may not understand them, seem to have to got it right.

It was interesting the next response I got. 'I don't think good things do always come to an end.' Jocy Levy. It doesn't have to end as long as you are appreciative of it. If you can keep up the adrenalin that you had when that good thing happened you will feel better. After a good thing has passed you can always remember how it felt and believe that life can only get better. Although sometimes it will feel like nothing will ever get better, look at yourself sitting here and still breathing given all the hardships you've conquered in your life! That's something to be proud of. Think of everything in the past you have overcome, whether it's something physical or something like a crush on someone. They've happened but the strength never leaves you. You'll always have that experience.

'Good things come to an end so we can continue to push ourselves and become better people.' Aimee Tarling. I think this is true too. We all need something to aim for. And because you don't always have good things happen to you (total contradiction to the above paragraph) it makes aiming for them more crucial. And we do become better people when good things do happen because we are carrying the belief that things can get better with us and passing it off in what we do or who we interact with. Things are better when things seem to be favouring us, and though it may not always be happening they are good things to aim for.

'Fate throws us nasty curveballs to remind us not to get too comfortable in our happiness.' Chloe Clark. This seems true also. It brings me back to one of my favourite things to say, that everything is constantly changing. From your cells to the situations that arise outside of your body. You may not see it changing, but as with my favourite analogy how does a flower appear without being planted and watered even though you can't see it. Things are happening below the surface that are not visible to the naked eye yet. We can't get too comfortable in our situation because if we do something will come along to change it, usually unexpectedly.

'Good things come to an end because that is how life goes on. We can't stay in the same place forever. Even though it is heartbreaking to see it end, that doesn't mean that something just as good, if not better won't come along later when you least expect it.' Serra Karamette. I agree with this, good things end and you can't fear that nothing will ever come and beat the feeling of happiness this occassion has brought. We learn to be stronger by these life events happening, so when a good thing crops up, we feel worthy of it or should do.

'Good things come to an end because people stop believing in that good thing and just give up all hope on it being as good as they remember. Sometimes this is good as it opens up new opportunities. Sometimes it's bad as if people had worked as hard as they did on giving up then maybe the good times wouldn't have to end.' Emma Delves. It's about your personal focus. If you are looking for the bad things that happen in life you will find them. And the news is a bad transmitter of positive things that do happen every day. Good things do happen every day, it is just a matter of your viewpoint.

'You never know what could happen and it could get worse. In life I have learnt to be positive for what you have and move onwards and upwards. Believing that life can get better with a smile on your face.' Jonny Dye. This feels like a very #StephCarfrae thing to say (the last sentance anyway). But I believe this is true, you never know how life works behind the scenes. It works behind the scenes to form the good things that will come into your life, but also plans things that can rock you out of your comfort zone so we are never too safe. But that is exciting because we can't get too familiar with our lives before it changes. I find it exciting anyway.

'Good things come to an end because of timing.' Vanessa O'Sullivan. I wasn't sure of this reason. But I believe that timing is a very important factor in life in general. And the right timing can change everything. Maybe it wasn't the right timing for something good to happen to you but someone is relishing in a good time because they'd appreciate it more. Again, appreciation is key. 'Appreciation is one of the highest emotional states you can be in and should be

incorporated into your daily living. It is the state of abundance. The Law of

Attraction states that like attracts like. If you are grateful for what you have

already received, you will attract more for which you can be grateful.' Jack Canfield. I believe that like will recieve like, not necessarly right now but eventually.

'Good things come to an end because good and bad are two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.' Serena Sweeting. While it is nice to dream of a carefree life where nothing goes wrong or fails THIS IS NOT REALITY. Just like most people learnt in primary school, when the ball goes up in the air it must come down again. This is because of gravity. And if we didn't have gravity we'd all be floating around in outer space right now. So good things and bad things are like life's forces. You don't want to miss out on the good, just because something bad's going on in your life right now do you? In a few days, weeks, months or even years I bet you won't remember the bad thing that got you down so low so don't give up.

'Good things come to an end because of two main reasons. Firstly, as nothing can last forever, good or bad. Secondly, they happen to help people grow as everyone finds different things good.' Madeline Stidder. The first point is repeating what I made reference to in the last paragraph and the second point is very apt to my point. We are all individuals, no one is the same. Though we do like to class ourselves in this society and we are classed on how we look, talk etc. we are never classed for the way we feel. 'Another man's garbage is another man's potpurri,' that quote is from the Grinch.

'Good things come to an end because people don't work to keep them a good thing.' Katie Williams. Like I have stated about keeping your adrenalin at the same level: you need to do this for all of life's surprises. Life is about how you deal with the bad times as well as the good. You can't have the light until you've seen the darkness. I think this is true. Time is relative. As long as you keep focused on that good feeling, relaxation or whatever you find useful you can stay flying high feeling good.

'Good things come to an end because life is forever changing. You can't appreciate the good things if everything is good all the time. Lessons are learned when bad times come and bad thing happen. We learn lessons with good things too but the bad things that happen teach us quicker. Everything does balance itself out. Everything can't be good all the time otherwise people wouldn't grow. We go through hard times to grow in our Faith, as a person and in life in general' Morgan Glover. I think her point about bad times teaching us quicker is really strong and true. Bad times come to prove (to others and especially ourselves) that we are stronger than we thought we are.

'Good things come to an end when people let themselves be overcome with negativity. Good things come to an end because we become used to them and undervalue and disregard them, often forgetting how good they truly are. Most of all good things come to an end because that's life; life is cyclical and cynicial which is the curse but also a blessing.' Jordan Breen. Life works in cycles and it can't be good all the time. The second point he makes is really important. We undervalue so much in life and we really need to start appreciating what we undervalue. We tend to undervalue the priceless things in life because our minds have convinced us it's boring, dull etc. And we believe it's going to be the same tomorrow. But what if it isn't?

'Good things come to an end to open up opportunities that will provide you with more happiness for the long term. Also in a weird way what makes the good times so limited is that they are simply good sometimes when they are just brief infininte moments of magic.' Rose Daniells. I believe this is true. The good times exist for a short amount of time to let you know that they can appear just as easily as they can disappear.

'It's purely the natural cycle of life and existence that good things come to an end. However, I don't think it's fair to label the end as 'that's it' as feelings can be replaced or in some cases renewed.' Richard Baggs. I believe this is true too. Just because it felt that good in the past doesn't mean it never will again or even be overcome by a greater feeling.

'Life is like a piano. The white keys are happy days, and the black keys are sad ones. Just remember that you need both to make music.' Anonymous

'Good things come to an end because that's the way the world goes round.' Gem Nash. Pretty much. But don't get too despondent with this response. I personally think good things have to come to an end to make us appreciate what we had, but more importantly what we have now.

*It just proper made me cry that one of my best friends wasn't positive enough to finish this sentance.*

I hope this helps. I tried to get the viewpoints from most people but if you want to leave your own, you are more than welcome.

Steph

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