Trying

So, Christmas was good. I wasn't as happy or excited for it as I have been in the past. Circumstances made me unhappy over the period, the likes I won't bore you with. But I believe (another addition) that if you strive to be happy all year round and making others happy, you need some down time and it's just unfortunate that my 'downtime' happened to fall alongside Christmas. I tried to be happier, but for reasons I won't outline, I was not and I could not bring myself up from the low I'd sunken to.

So this is gonna be a blog on trying. It doesn't matter the outcome, whether it works or not at least you've tried. You've given whatever it is that's troubling you a go, and though you might not suceed in your chosen thing to give a try, at least you will know. Until you've tried everything in the world, nothing is impossible. That is what I believe (yet another addition) cos if you've never tried, you never know. It could be the field you excel in. So whatever it is, whether it is like in my case trying to be happier, I know all I've gotta do is shift my perspective and remember everything that I'm thankful for. It can be anything, really, whether it's getting onto a football team or loving someone, if you never try you never know. And we've all made fools of ourselves when trying something new that wasn't right, but you never would've known if you hadn't tried it. I will repeat my experience of telling this boy that I liked him, because if I never told him, I never would've known. If I hadn't tried, put my heart out on the line if you will, I never would've known how he felt.

Trying will sometimes leave you wishing you hadn't, because people might laugh at you or something, but at least you will know if it is possible. And if it's not, it's an experience in your life, and you will be thankful one day that you did it.

So, as this is my last post of 2012 I want to wish you all a simply spectacular 2013, may all the wishes you make on New Years Eve come true.

As ever, comments for the next topic I cover on here can be expressed on twitter (@Steph_Carfrae), facebook or comments below. Thank you for reading.

Steph

XxX

It's Ok, I Don't Need A Boy

After getting a confusing comment on my last post, I have changed a few of the words and it inspired me to write this.

All I've been seeing lately are videos on youtube that are all about becoming an awesome-r version of yourself. (For example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paEctMTEOr0 ) Don't you just hate those people who ooze confidence, from the way they look to the way they speak? Well, they've got the right idea. Especially when it comes to love, which is what this post is about.


And I get it. I get all the pain and longing for someone that most people have. I used to think I was alone within this feeling, because all I ever saw were happy couples and other single people just getting on with their lives. But as I've grown up and dealt with all I've had to, I've discovered that it's true: no one can love you, until you love yourself. And I've probably just ripped off a song. But I believe that this is true. Addition to the 'I Believe' posts!

And it is hard. But don't sit around waiting. Thst's something that hit me when I started uni 2 years ago, love is not gonna find you if you're sitting in your room. So this past semester, I have been out most nights just having a good time, not looking for love, but you never know when or where it could crop up. It could be someone I know right now, or it could be someone I've never met. I guess that's half of the fun. But one thing I've learnt in my 20 years of being on this Earth, is never try to dissect everything. Like, if a boy's been paying attention to you just see where he wants to take it, because it could just turn out he's just a good friend who's a good listener. But if he does want to take things further, then that's great and I wish you all the best for the future.

You just have to focus on being happy in your life first and love will find you. I'm in this position myself, so I'm just gonna keep slugging away and hope something changes pretty soon! I've been waiting for soon for more than a while, so I hope it comes in the near future. Isn't that how it feels? All these songs have '...soon' in them because 'soon' doesn't give a explicit time. Just know 'soon' will be the right time.

And let's face it, you've come this far on your own, who says you can't make it a few more years on your own? Although you don't want to, if that's the way the cards deal at least you know you can do it.

It is far better to be who you are, and be comfortable with who you are before you push the boat out and venture out of your comfort zone. And I know it takes a long time, but it will be worth it. Somewhere, there's a guy (or a girl) who probably doesn't even know you exist, but without you existing would be banished to a life of loneliness.
You have to become the best version of  yourself before you can see the best version of someone else.

I don't know that I'll be able to write anything in the remainder of 2011, I will try though. But because I won't be posting anything before the big day, HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!! And in case I don't get the chance to wish you a wonderful new year, HAVE AN EXCITING AND AWESOME NEW YEAR TOO!!!

Steph

XxX

I Believe . . . 2

Leading straight from the last one ( http://stephcarfrae.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/i-believe.html ) I will explain why I believe that some things happen for a reason. . . My brother and I are both in wheelchairs. We're not confined to wheelchairs but need them to get around. The undiagnosed disability took over my body when I was 7. . . my brother (who's older than me) when he was 4. Tests were run on me when I was 4 but nothing came up. The undiagnosed disability chose to strike 3 years later in me.

The point I am trying to make is that I would not be the same person if I did not have this undiagnosed disability. Maybe I would be happier and maybe not.

Right now, I am happy in my skin and if there was a magic pill I could take which would allow me to walk again - I would not take it. I like the fact that I'm unique and that is good enough for me. I would probably be a b**** if I was not in a wheelchair . . . so although the cards have been dealt very close to whoever's chest, I've gotta thank whatever it was/is that is making my life different. I try to be courteous in every situation I face and I'm just thankful for eve ry opportunity I get to experience . . . be it good or bad.

So with all that said, I believe that you shouldn't regret anything. Things happen in life and you just need to go with them sometimes, throw caution to the wind and rules.

Because life is too short to put limitations on yourself. So try everything and anything. You never know what could happen. You will end up where you're supposed to.

I believe a lot of things....and I think I will leave it there for the moment. I hope this nugget has been insightful and has made you think. Please leave your comments below if you've been affected by anything I have said and/or suggestions for next week's post. Thank you for reading

Steph

XxX

I Believe

I know what you're thinking...this is  gonna be a boring list of stuff she believes in....and  you are probably right but give it a read, it might surprise  you and if you have any additional points to make and/or you disagree/agree with any of  mine please leave them in the comments below. Thanks.

So, I believe that tomorrow is a better day, OK so it may not be brighter but it can be anything we want it to be. We are in control of our lives, so just do what you wanna do. One of my friends recently left his job, and he was so much better off without it that he was smiling all the time, so no matter what it is if it feels like the right thing to do  then do it. I was overjoyed that he was so happy, he can now go home for Christmas!

I believe that I was put on this Earth to make other people smile. Hopefully, I do a good job. I am totally crazy and every once in a while will come out with a line that someone will find funny (that someone is usually me, but my laugh is infectious so if you're with me !!) I'm not amazing, nor do I claim to be, I'm just me.

Everybody goes through the phase of thinking they're not enough, for boys or for anything. Believe me, I have been here, I feel your pain! But at the end of the day, you've just got to accept yourself for who you are, how you are and believe that everything will just fit into place. It's not very easy to do, I fought with my emotions through most of my teenage years to arrive where I am today. The happy, smiley, doesn't-have-a-care-in-the-world Steph. It is tough, looking back over those years, and there is no help I can give other than to say - it does get better, you will realise your worth and it is hard not settling for less, but don't do it because one day someone will be good enough. He just might decide to take the long route instead of the shortcut.

I believe that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Bleeeeeeeurghhhhhhhhhhhh you've heard this hundreds of times, but it's true. We all have something about us that makes us unique, and never let go of this something. Its what makes you 'you'. How boring would it be if we lived in a world of robots who all thought the same and all did the same. Surely, it's be like watching a repeat of a really crap programme until you could repeat it line for line. Boooooooooooooring.

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, but I believe some things do. After all, one of these days you are gonna meet the right one for you and though that might be coincidence, it happened for a reason. We have a very strange, f***ed-up planet but sometimes it's all right. I guess you've just gotta find the balance.

So that is some of the stuff I believe in. I will try post soon with more (anything you'd like  to know or suggestions to write about go in the comments box below) but I am really tired right now and have a big night tomorrow night so had better get some sleep...

Steph

XxX

'I'll Tell You'

I confess myself a little disappointed as I was met with no responses from my previous post. But enough of that, I don't want to moan at anyone.

The lyric 'I'll Tell You' was written on a whim a bit like the Jonnie Peacock one ( http://stephcarfrae.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/today-is-my-someday.html ), but this one is about Danny Jones from McFLY who I profess was my main inspiration for writing lyrics in the first place.
It's about a lover helping you stand up for what you believe in, no matter what you believe in. At least, that was the original idea! I hope you like it!

I’LL TELL YOU

 

V1:

When I need reassurance you’re always on hand

When I feel weak you help me stand

Up outta the crowd

And my heart begins to pound

Then you say

 

Chorus:

Don’t be afraid to be who you are

You’re the one constant in my heart

Don’t be afraid to shine like a star

As I strum on my guitar

I’ll tell you I love you

 

V2:

When I wanna give up the fight

You always stand strong by my side

You battle with the loneliness that has consumed me many years

When my eyes brim with tears

You say

(Repeat Chorus)

M8:

No no no

Don’t give up

Don’t say ooh I’ve had enough

You never let me fall

You catch me through it all

I cannot imagine life without you

Let’s hope (and pray) I never have to

Ooh

Don’t be afraid to be who you are

One constant in my heart

Don’t be afraid to shine like a star

You know I’ll be with you wherever you are

As I strum on my guitar

I’ll say

I can’t deny it anymore there’s just no way

I love you.

 

Copyright © 2010 Stephanie Carfrae. All Rights Reserved.

 

Jealousy

My friend gave me this topic to talk about, which I thought was really interesting. So I set my readers a challenge: to comment either on here, facebook or tweet me (@Steph_Carfrae) with your suggestions on topics I could cover. I think it could be really fun!

When I was seven years old I developed a walking disorder and at about this time a new girl moved to my school. Over the years of primary school she bullied me, because of the attention I recieved from everyone. I never knew how to explain  that I didn't want all their attention, I just got it because of the way I was. I hope she understands that now. Everyone told me it was only because she was jealous of me. Jealous of what I got for having something wrong with me. It was ridiculous!! Put yourself in my position, and see how you'd like it!!

Jealousy is never a good thing. It will only bring you down, into thinking someone else's life is so much better - but as I have said in 'Backstory's' ( http://stephcarfrae.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/backstorys.html ) everyone has a backstory that has made them how they are, and so don't be jealous of someone because you never know what is going on underneath. Jealousy is when people think you have a better life than them, so if you have ever been bullied although it is hard (believe me, I know) it has made you a stronger person and quite frankly, I am flattered that I was bullied. So many people must have thought that I had a better life than them! If you are going through bullying, it is very hard but please know that you will come out at the other end a stronger person. Bullies are just people who are so worthless, that they talk about other people. You've just have to believe that. Please leave your thoughts and suggestions for the next blog! Thank you for reading.

'Goodnight'

This lyric was written a little while ago and I like that it can be seen in two senses. It was meant to be about a lovers' dispute and the use of the word 'goodnight' as 'goodbye'.
But also you can see it from the point of view of a little girl with her father. So it is an interesting lyric. I hope you like it. And as ever, let me know what you think and/or if you'd like to attempt putting music to it. I imagined a little piano piece accompanying this.

It's called: 'Goodnight'

V1:

You read me a story before I went to bed

When I woke up in the morning you had left

Why did you do this to me baby?

You told me you loved me

Just before I closed my eyes to sleep

What changed in a night baby?

 

Chorus:

I don’t know why

You slipped away from my eyes

And I don’t know why

I let you say goodnight

Cos I knew somewhere inside

That word was goodbye

 

V2:

You read me a fairy tale where everything has a happy ending

Your tone was so calm I guess you were pretending

What were you hiding baby?

You told me I was what you lived for

As you closed all the nightmare’s outside the door

What changed your mind baby?

(Repeat Chorus)

M8:

I’m living in a nightmare

Now you’re not there

You used to shut my fears away

But now they’re back and here to stay

(Repeat Chorus)

V1:

You read me a story before I went to bed

When I woke up in the morning you had left

Why did you do this to me baby?

 

Copyright © 2010 Stephanie Carfrae. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Backstory's

Don't worry - I will still post tomorrow too!

I recently finished reading 'Unsaid Things: Our Story' by McFly and it really helped reinforce one of my beliefs. I am not gonna be a spoiler, if  you have not read it yet, it really is worth a read!
           But I did not realise so many things, and it all became apparent why and as I read on, it all made sense. It reinforced in me the belief to be kind to everybody because you do not know what they're going through and/or what's happened in their backstory that makes them the way they are. A backstory is what has happened in their past. And I really admire McFly, so it's crazy how I did not realise half of this stuff. When I hear them now, or see them it's obvious!

So, the reason for this blog is to say that everyone has a backstory! So don't give them s*** cos you have no idea what they are going through. Recently, I hung up on a phonecall. Then I called back a few seconds later because I felt bad, but the truth is what they were telling me hurt. They had no idea what was going on in my life at that point, I had been depressed for a few days and though it was the truth, I didn't want to hear it. So just don't be a loser, cos the ones who try to bring others down, are the biggest losers of all.

Steph

XxX

It just annoys me

Listening to One Direction's song 'Loved You First' and it just really got to me. Cos surely a guy should just make his move rather than saying 'It should be me!' Cos honestly what have you got to lose? Ok, there's the threat of rejection but you shouldn't be scared of it. Fear of uncertainty - everyone has that so that is hardly an excuse. What if there is no tomorrow? What if there is no future? (As my tragic screenplay I am writing explores!) And at the end of the day, at least you'll know where you stand. I hope this doesn't scare any guys off me (if any guys were/are into me, which I doubt)

I have done this and made a complete t*** of myself, but I am so glad I did it now. It's probably the best thing that happened to me. And I didn't lose face. If anything, I gained more respect from him for being truthful. And I totally understand about having to get to know someone first, that goes without saying, but when you know that someone well enough why not?

Steph

XxX